Stepping Stone

Earlier today I had a conversation with our church secretary about her son graduating, families moving away, and new students joining the youth ministry program. During the conversation I mentioned off hand that I was in the ministry of constant turn over. Every year a number of students move into the ministry, and at the same time, other students transition out due to moving or graduation. Youth ministry is almost always in a state of transition or change. It would come to no one's surprise that this is true; This is not a giant revelation or an earth shattering phenomenom, simply a fact of youth ministry. It is this reality that got me thinking about the nature of youth ministry and christianity in general.

Recently on a youth mission trip I led to Oklahoma I had the privilege and blessing of meeting several great people involved in life changing ministries. Some were hard working people learning to move on after a disaster, others worked for non-profits, and still others were old youth ministers that had "moved up" into the senior pastor position for the church. But the one I want to focus on, and the one that stood out to me the most, is Roger. Roger had been in youth ministry for thirty years. Thirty years. And what's more is he has been at the same church for all thirty of those years. I was humbled and honored to sit down and listen to stories of wisdom and experience from a man who had spent his whole life sharing the love of Christ with teens. It was simply mind blowing for me to think about how Roger had been doing youth ministry over ten times longer than me. What was even more astounding for me to think about was how kids in Roger's youth group had grown up, got married, and their kids were now in Roger's group. I could only imagine the special relationship that would form in these families as both parent and kid shared the same youth minister. Not even including the rough transition his church is going through, Roger is a testament to faith and perseverance in ministry. He serves as an example of what ministry can be. But more than that he got me thinking about what it means to follow Jesus. 

I think people like Roger should be the standard for youth ministry, not the exception. I love to hear about someone who has faithfully served in youth ministry for many years when so many churches and/or positions out there seem to have high turnover rates. People like Roger are in youth ministry for life because that is where God has called them to be. Many times I hear of youth ministers who use their positions as starting points, where their ultimate goal is to become a preacher. I have nothing against people who want to be preachers, or youth ministers who become preachers. Many of my good friends and mentors have done just that. What I don't like is the view that youth ministry is a stepping stone for bigger and better ministries. I believe youth ministry is a stepping stone, but for those we minister to, not the minister themselves. Let me explain. 

Youth ministries are in constant flux. Kids move in and kids move out. This is a reality of the job. As youth minister I am constantly involved in the lives of kids who will move on, who will leave. My job is not to get them to stay, my job is to help them move on to the next chapter or phase of life. Whether they are a part of the ministry for 6 years or 6 weeks, my goal is always to point to God, to help others move towards Him wherever they go next.  I think this is true of all areas of ministry, but more than that, I think this is true of the Christian life in general. Christ calls us to be last, to put others before ourselves. I think this means being a stepping stone. Not letting people walk all over you, but letting people use you to get closer to God. Not leveraging your power or status to boost yourself farther up the ladder, but to propel others farther down the path. The object and purpose of our lives should be helping others step into who and what they were made to be.

Youth ministry needs to be about the long haul. Its more than providing teens or a church with stability. Its about demonstrating what it means to follow Jesus, Its about about being a stepping stone. Maybe I'm on to something, or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch

Be Thou My Vision

If you didn't notice, it rained a lot last week. Perhaps you didn't think that the amount of rain was that significant, but coming from a San Antonio resident (a place where rain is more of a fairy tale than reality), it was a lot of rain. Also coming from someone who drove in it, there was a lot of rain. There is no way to experience rain quite like driving in it.

That being said, I hate driving in the rain. There are other things I dislike more, but driving in the rain is near the top. The only thing that makes it worse is driving in the rain at night. Both of these qualifications were met last weekend as I traveled home. You can imagine my joy. As you may or may not realize driving at night limits visibility, and when you add rain to darkness, your already limited visibility decreases even more. When your dealing with several thousand pound death machines all moving at high speeds around each other, visibility becomes vitally important. So windshield wipers were invented. An ingenious idea that helps clear your windshield of water to help you see. Of course visibility is not perfect, but it is better than having no windshield wipers.

The catch is, they kinda have to work to be effective. Mine were not working. Now they were moving correctly, but the wiper part was not really wiping. Instead of clearing my windshield of excess water, mine just smeared it around more, which was less than helpful in a construction zone with narrow uneven lanes.

It occurred to me that windshield wipers are not things I routinely check. Because it does not always rain. Out of sight out of mind. Most of the time I can see clearly. But every now and again a storm rolls along and obstructs my vision. Now obviously the wipers don't stop, eliminate, or get rid of the storm, they just help my vision in the storm. A few days ago I was asked this question by a man I respect and trust:

"What is your vision for ________ ?"

The question blew me away, caught me off-guard, and I stammered like an idiot. I wasn't really sure how to answer, because I wasn't really sure what my vision was. Most of the time I don't think about my vision, because the weather is fair so to speak. I can move through life without having to worry about it, because things are going well, moving along without a hitch. But then storms come your way, and if your vision is not clear, you can become quite destructive. Now maybe you won't crash, but your journey will definitely be more difficult, slow going, and frustrating. And with poor vision you don't just put yourself in jeopardy, but those around you as well. If you can't see where you are going you are not going to get there.

I'm calling for a wiper check so to speak. I think it's time we stop and ask ourselves the question: "What is my vision?" What are your goals? What do you want to accomplish? What and where is God calling you to go or do? What paths are you going to take to get there? What is your vision? Doing a wiper check, taking time to evaluate, define, or establish vision won't make problems go away, but it will help when your life gets dark, or you run into a storm, or both happen at the same time

When problems arise, when the circumstances are less than pleasant, having a clear vision keeps you on track; helps keep you focused on where you are going and what you are doing. Obstructed vision will derail anyone, and could easily be prevented. You may think you're fine, but would't it be better to know you are. It's time for a wiper check. It's time to ask hard questions, and maybe make some tough decisions and even changes. In the long run you'll be glad you did. Maybe I'm on to something, or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch

The Test Drive

No search for a new vehicle would be complete without it. There is just something about it that draws us in. The quest for the perfect car, the right fit. You have to drive it so you know when it feels right. We press on through all obstacles in search of the perfect opportunity; where everything meets up in the best possible way. I have had my fair share of test drives recently, and with them my fair share of adventures and stories. I encountered plenty of interesting people on this journey, but the following story takes the cake. This story only further proves my life could be the subject for a sitcom. Anyone interested in either purchasing the rights to my life stories, or partnering with me in writing this show, contact me. Here is the story:

After work one evening I drove to the other side of town to a dealership in order to look at vehicle. I had studied up on the vehicle for a few days, and after finding one for a decent price in the category I was interested in, I headed south to what would hopefully be the car of my dreams. The place was an absolute zoo. I guess it was go look at a car day, which besides being the worst name for a holiday ever, was just my luck. There was not a salesman or representative to spare to show me around or get me into the car I came to see. So I decided to scout out the lot myself. After wandering around for 15 minutes, I had not found the car I came looking for and was just about to leave, when I heard an "Excuse me Sir!" call out behind me. I turned to see an older gentleman heading my way. His tussled grey hair and disorganized stack of papers told me right away he would be no help, but I knew I would never find car without help, so I took the bait. After introducing himself as Mark I informed the man of the make, model, color, mileage, VIN and stock numbers, and every know relative of the car I was looking for and waited for him to introduce us. After several minutes or rummaging and murmuring through his paper work it is determined that the vehicle I came to see is not on the lot, but in fact on a different lot. Mark went inside to check and make sure the other lot had the car, and after 20 more minutes of waiting alone outside, I decided I would go check out the other lot by myself. Thanks to my smart phone I found the lot just around the corner. When questioned why I was there (obviously they had visitors often...) I told them I came from the other lot and they put two and two together. They told me I was free to look at the car, but the keys were missing which meant one thing: more waiting. After they found the keys they turned on the car, but I was told I had to wait some more until Mark the "salesman" from the first lot made his way over. So me and the running car waited patiently in the heat of the evening. When Mark finally arrived, we were off. As I started to ask Mark questions about the car he was unable to answer, I decided to steer the conversation toward a subject he would know: himself. At the very least it would avoid awkward silences. He had already proven to be an interesting character, so the conversation had a lot of promise. Plus I told Mark I really just wanted to see how the car drove. We had only gone two blocks, when I noticed that the gas light was on with full force, signalling to me that the drive should soon come to an end. But not to Mark. He instructed me to turn onto the highway and "open her up." So I did. About 1.5 miles later, and almost immediately after Mark said "I probably should have brought the gas card..." the car started chugging and promptly ran out of gas. As Mark tried to find the number to call the dealership, I pushed the car to the side of the road and figured out our location. When Mark finally got a hold of someone to let them know we ran out of gas and were stuck on the side of the road I realized a few things: 1) This had not turned out how I planned 2) I did not want this car 3) the only option now was to wait  (again) and 4) might as well keep talking to Mark. So Mark and I continued our conversation and I found out everything there was to know about him. We exchanged thoughts on life perspectives and why things happen, and before long (45 minutes) we received just enough gas to make it back to the car lot.

What started out as the perfect opportunity to get a good reliable car, turned into something else entirely. I don't really remember what I said that afternoon, but Mark called me the following day, not about the car, but to thank me for the conversation we had. Apparently it was the perfect opportunity, just not in the way I originally thought. This reminds me of a similar story.

In the sixteenth chapter of the book of Acts we see Paul and Silas out doing their thing: preaching the gospel and takin' names. They went to Philippi and met a woman who instantly responded to the gospel. It would seem that this place was the perfect opportunity to live out what God was calling them to. It so happened that also while they were there they ran across a slave-girl possessed by a demon. Apparently this girl followed them around for a couple of days and became rather annoying. Having had enough of demon girl, Paul exercises the demon in the name of Jesus and prepared to go back to business as usual. But wouldn't you know it, the owner of the slave was not very happy about all of that and had Paul and Silas thrown in prison. How do they respond? They just start singing and praying. Now the passage doesn't say this, but I imagine (based on a story in chapter 12 about Peter) that both the jailbirds and the Christians in the town were praying for their safe and quick release. I mean they had come to the town to preach the gospel after all. In the middle of the night the un-explainable happened. There was a massive earthquake that broke open all the cells and released all the restraints. Hallelujah! An answer to prayer! Here was the opportunity of a life time! They could run for the hills and escape their imprisonment! And everyone did...except Paul and Silas. The perfect opportunity arises, what anyone would have wanted, but they don't leave--they stay. God had other plans. God used the moment to introduce Jesus to the jailer and his family. So in fact it was the perfect opportunity, and was even in line with the spread-the-gospel plan, it just looked different than anyone expected.

I wonder how many times I miss the opportunities God places in front of me because I am too busy looking for them. Its hard to accept that my idea of the perfect opportunity and God's idea may not the same. Maybe  it takes an earthquake or running out of gas with a stranger to make us realize it. The next time you are in the middle of the "perfect opportunity" stop and ask God if it really is. You might just stumble into something better

Trash Collectors & Firefighters

It has come to my attention that my role as youth minister takes on many forms. Some of these forms are glamorous and some are not. Some forms are fun and others not so much. Still other forms come easily to me and some others I have to work on. But this is not a post about what it looks like to be a youth minister or pastor. This is a reflection on what two of those roles say about Christian culture. The two roles are trash collector and firefighter.

The first role of trash collector, more commonly referred to as garbageman, is exactly what you think it is: one who collects or picks up or takes care of trash. As a nation we produce over 250 million tons of garbage (solid waste) each year. Don't worry I haven't been talking to Al Gore, this isn't a save the environment type of post. Just by examining the world for a week, you would probably agree that we throw a lot of stuff away. When something breaks, or gets old, or whatever we throw it out and get a new one. After awhile all that trash starts to pile up. Before long it will start to smell, and we expect someone to take care of it. And someone does, well at least for all our physical trash. But working in ministry, and even before that, I have noticed that people carry around a lot of junk. Broken relationships, disappointment, anxiety, fears, just a lot of hurt. Going through life we pick stuff up, some good, but a lot of bad. I find that most of the time we don't know what to do with all the hurt. There isn't a white bag to put it in, and guys in trucks don't come to take it away. So we carry it, and it piles up, and it starts to smell, until we can't take it anymore, until we are crushed by the weight. So I find that I play the role of garbageman, helping people get rid of the inner-garbage in their lives. I have talked to plenty of people who carry around lots of pain, you wonder how they even walk around. I can't really get rid of the junk, but I can help direct people to the cross where all that trash is abolished by the power of Jesus.

The other role is fireman. Now I realize fireman is not politically correct, but I don't really care. Not really sure how many fires take place across america, or the world, each year but I'm gonna guess that it's a lot. Fires are serious business. Over four thousand people die in house fires every year. Fires may start out small but they spread and grow quickly, often in unpredictable ways. So we send in brave men and women to rescue people from danger and stop the danger from hurting others. But a lot of times there are other fires in our lives that don't get put out. I'm sure I don't have to tell you, but when you work or interact with people there is bound to be friction at some point. Disagreements, differing opinions, misunderstandings, what have you they all create friction. According to Bear Grylls you can use friction to create fire, and friction surely creates fires in relationships with people. Like real fires, if they don't get put out, they will destroy relationships, or at the very least leave them severely hurt and/or disfigured. When unchecked people's anger can grow out of control and people get hurt, bridges get burned. So I play the role of firefighter, putting out fires before people hurt others, or themselves.

I hope one day we can live without these metaphorical garbage men and firefighters. I think these roles reflect some things about how we live our lives as Christians. I believe they are enabling us to live less than we were created for.  Lets think about why we need garbage collectors. Obviously we have garbage that needs to be taken care of. But why do we have garbage? We go through life picking up or buying stuff we don't really need with little thought to who will take care of it when we throw it out. Or we just throw things out that could still be of use. We just consume for the sake of it. For whatever reason we are dissatisfied with what we have, and try to replace it with something we will just end up throwing out as well. This attitude transfers directly into our Christian walk. We all get involved with things we shouldn't or pick up habits that are less than beneficial with little thought to the filth it creates in our lives, let alone what to do with it when we finally realize the burden or smell. The problem isn't with what we have, but with us. And what about fires? Granted not every fire is caused by man in the same way garbage is, but a lot are. And when they are, the cause is underestimating or neglecting the danger or power fire has. Is it any different in our relationships? Underestimating or neglecting feelings or people's anger causes things to escalate out of control.

Really it is just a selfish way to live. Doing whatever we want just counting on someone else to take care of the mess, or rescue us if things get out of control. It's selfish and does more damage than good. Both trash collectors and firefighters allow us to just react to problems instead of being proactive and stop them from even happening. What if we took a look at what we had before we start looking for meaning or fulfillment in more things or other places. What if we took more responsibility for how we live and interact with others? What would it look like to take on a recycle type mindset in our christian walk? Maybe I'm on to something, or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch.

The Best Part Of Waking Up

Just in case this is not common knowledge, I used to work in a coffee shop. I learned a lot over my 2.5 years of working there, but still don't know that much about coffee. I did however learn more about people and how most of them believe they need coffee to survive. Much the same way a car runs on gasoline, the college students who came in were just trying to keep going. Whether it was early in the morning or late into the night, coffee provided the sustenance needed to function. And it is not just college kids, I have noticed that older adults have the same dependence on the bean based beverage, many of them unable "to be myself" or "act decent/civil" without ingesting at least one cup. The addiction runs deep.

Don't get me wrong, I am no tea-drinking King George loyalist. I drink coffee just like any true red blooded American. I take it black and drink it summer or winter rain or shine. I only drink tea iced and sweet like normal people. I find myself buying into this idea that without coffee, I can't make it. Drinking it when I wake up, and sometimes at night to stay awake. I find myself believing that i need the caffeine to function, because doesn't everyone? I can stay up as late as needed/I want to with help from coffee, and still get up early with the help of coffee. I can even eat food that makes me feel sluggish, because after all I have coffee.

Then I get a good night's sleep. I wake up feeling ready to tackle the day, and skip the cup of coffee. I feel alert and productive and go the whole day without drinking the coffee; a feat I previously thought impossible. I begin to wonder why I even drink coffee, and I slowly start to realize that coffee is a crutch. I can treat my body however I want--deprive myself of sleep, eat junk that does not provide me energy, work too much--because if I feel tired I can just drink some coffee. I can also be irresponsible--procrastinate work to the point I have to stay up all night doing it, or wake up super early to do it--because who needs sleep when I have coffee. Coffee is an excuse to live however I want with seemingly no real consequences.

I wonder if that is how I approach other things in my life. I wonder if I treat church like that? Do I just live however I want to, because after all I go to church on Sunday, that makes me a Christian, I'm on the "good" list. Do I treat Jesus like that? Do I live however I want to because, in the end, Jesus will just forgive me?

Paul asks a similar situation in the book of Romans. He writes in Romans 6:1-4

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

It seems to me, that Jesus isn't a fall back, or a safety net. Just like with coffee, I can't just do whatever I want and not expect consequences. I have to take care of my body if I want to get the most out of it. Jesus' forgiveness is not an excuse to do whatever makes me feel good, or get my way; it is a gateway into a new way of life, a better more fulfilling way of life.

This is not a post to get you stop drinking coffee. This is just a musing of a modern-day sasquatch

The Cloud

Technology never ceases to amaze me. Microsoft and Apple both have some version of "cloud" software or computing that enables you to fetch, share, and work on files from any of your devices from anywhere. I don't really know how it works, but my understanding is that if there was a file I had on my computer at the office that I needed when I was at home, I wouldn't have to drive up there to get it. and vice versa. Its new, its fresh, its exciting. Basically this cloud concept is changing the way we use computers.

If only we had something as interesting when it comes to our faith. Maybe we do

This week my attention has been turned to Hebrews chapter 11--mainly because I told my students to look at that chapter this week, and what kind of youth minister (let alone human being) would I be if I did not spend some time there myself. Hebrews chapter 11 is the infamous "Faith Hall of Fame" chapter. The chapter starts with a simple definition of faith, and then gives that definition more depth by listing example after example of people throughout the Bible who lived that definition out. The chapter is made more powerful by statements like the following:

These people all died controlled and sustained by their faith, 

but never received the tangible fulfillment of God’s promises

The whole list of people is honored for being real examples of "walking by faith," and not one of them saw the fulfillment of God's promises here on earth. For each person mentioned and referenced on the list faith was more than something they had, it was who they were. The chapter ends by telling us that God has something greater planned than seeing the fulfillment of the promises in our lifetimes, we get to become a part of something greater, connected to these faith giants. The Message translation puts it like this 

"God had a better plan for us: that their faith and our faith would come together to make one completed whole, their lives of faith not complete apart from ours."

This idea continues into the next chapter. The writer urges his readers to press on, to continue to run the race, to make our way towards Jesus each and every day. The writer says we can do this despite obstacles that stand in our way because of the "great cloud of witnesses" cheering us on. In our efforts to align our lives with Jesus', we have a whole cloud of witnesses at our fingertips. 


God planned for us to be connected, and through Jesus, we are. What if this connection to the faith giants of old was like the cloud computing we have access to today. That wherever we are, whatever we are going through, whether good times or bad, we could draw upon the faith and strength of those who have come before us, especially Jesus the "author and perfecter" of our faith. My question is, who else is in your cloud? Who else is in this network of faith whose strong example strengthens you? Who in your life can you call on?  Who else spurs you on? I firmly believe that our cloud should continue to grow. But I also believe that we need to keep another question in mind: whose cloud are you in? Who draws upon your example of faith? Maybe I'm on to something, or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch

Decelerated Reader

You never know who you're going to see when you go back to your hometown. Recently at a garage sale I ran into one of my old teachers from seventh grade. Apart from thinking that this was probably the last individual on earth I expected to see, I was also reminded of something else:

After seventh grade I stopped reading.

I did not stop reading all together. I still read billboards, subtitles on TV, menus at restaurants, or any other normal printed things we read every day. But I'm not talking about those things, I'm talking about books.Up until seventh grade I loved to read, and always had a book going. I loved feeding my ravenous imagination with new thoughts, and characters, and adventures. But that all stopped in seventh grade.

No one held a gun to my head, I didn't go blind, and my school didn't start burning books. I decided that I hated books and never wanted to read one again. I continued to "read" for school assignments, but even that was questionable at best and excruciatingly painful. I simply wanted nothing to do with books ever again. But how could something that had been so central to my life, be cast aside so flippantly?

Well it was not a spur of the moment decision. It all goes back to that teacher in seventh grade and a horrible program called Accelerated Reader (AR). I'm sure AR started out with good intentions: get kids interested and excited about reading books. For kids like me it was a great excuse to read things I liked and get prizes for doing it. But in seventh grade, this fell apart. My whole life I was in the advanced classes in school. But when I got to seventh grade they tried to split us up in just one course, Reading, and mix us in with other kids. Maybe they thought we would help motivate the other kids to learn, I don't know. All I do know is that it was a horrible experiment. It was not an even split. Three of us were removed from our place in the advanced class and were dumped in what could be best described as a remedial Reading class. This experience made me hate reading. It was awful. I still have nightmares...

My decision was not without consequences. I guess somehow I justified my actions by thinking I would prove something, or displace those who had "wronged" me. In truth I ended up only hurting myself. The biggest consequence was learning to take short-cuts; to get by without putting in all the effort I should. CliffsNotes can seem like your best friend. At first this may seem really impressive considering some of the papers I received "As" on in college over books I didn't read. But you can't take short cuts on everything in life. Like relationships, or even Koine Greek. You put in "C" level effort, you get "C" level results. You can only get by on luck, or charm, or raw talent for so long. Faking it often ends up in a masquerade of a life. When I think back on all the things that I learned or the things that really matter, the only ones I remember are the ones I put forth effort on.

I guess I thought I deserved more, that I was entitled to something better. And when it was not given to me the way I expected, I walked away. I left it behind. I know I was only in 7th grade, but it was still pretty childish. I wonder if I still act this way at times. I wonder about this false sense of entitlement. I wonder if my relationships with others fall into this pattern. I wonder if I view my relationship with God like this sometimes. Do I feel entitled to receive his grace, forgiveness, or blessing? And when it doesn't turn out the way I want, do I turn my back and try to find fulfillment on my own or through short-cuts? Maybe I'm on to something, or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch

Collect $200

I don't know how it happened, but every time my family played Monopoly growing up, I seemed to win. I'm almost positive my (at times) overly high self confidence can be attributed to all those wins. When you think about it, Monopoly is an interesting game. Its all about gaining control and power over all the other players in the game. When I think about it in that light, I'm not sure why any family would ever play that game, but we did. Its funny how much of that game has little to do with actual money-handling or budgeting skills. As a kid a knew very little about those things, yet I could win the game. Why? Because the way the die landed. So much of that game is left up to luck, chance, and free parking. Sure knowing a lot about money can help you, but if you keep rolling doubles, or land on that very unfortunate space, you wind up in jail and all that knowledge doesn't do you a lick of good. If you don't land or crucial pieces of real estate or the community chest, the game can be very unpleasant. You find yourself longing for the "go" space; desiring to just to make it around the board one more time so you can pass go and at least make some money.

The other night I couldn't sleep. Even after an endless number of sheep herds passed before my eyes, I couldn't drift off into dream land. In my restlessness I came across some old all-but-forgotten friends. I came across my old Facebook notes, which were the start and inspiration to this blog. The beginning of my online writing you could say. You can read them here: http://www.facebook.com/sir.levi.mawhirter?sk=notes (25 random things does not count...)

If you don't have Facebook, you're out of luck, but you can always use somebody else's if you're really interested in reading them.

Its always interesting to read the old things you write, whether they be blogs, Facebook notes, journals, or what have you, because they provide us with a little snap-shot of what was going on in our lives. It can be fun to see how we have changed or grown since last we wrote.

No matter where we are on the board, whether we are dominating or really hurting, it can be beneficial to go back to the start. For one it provides some relief from the onslaught that life throws at us some times. But it also comes with a bonus, a reward. It is good to look back and say "I can't believe I used to be so concerned about that!" or better yet we can see the areas where God came through for us; the times God answered our prayers. Sometimes these little things are enough to keep you in the game. So I encourage you to pass go and collect your $200. You just might be encouraged with what you find.

To Grandmother's House We Go

As a kid growing up you think that your grandparents will always be there, because they always have been. They seem almost invincible. Even when faced with health problems or other struggles that come with old age, it still seems like you will have them forever. They will continue to be there spoiling you, loving on you, and fussing over you because that's just what grandparents do. It appears that you always have a place to go, you are always welcome at Grandma's house. But then funerals happen.

Both of my grandmothers died this past year a few months apart.

I'm not gonna write how it was God's plan and one day we will understand, because I don't believe that.

The truth is that it sucks, its difficult, and it creates hard questions without answers. Losing someone is never easy because you don't just lose a person, you lose meaningful relationships, you lose a piece of your heart, and that hurts. But this isn't a post where I vent about those things. This is a tribute.

This a tribute to the life my grandmother's lived and encouraged me to live by the impact they had on me and countless others. This is a tribute to the values and principles instilled in me through two women who have inspired me to live for something greater than myself. This post is a tribute.

My grandmothers taught me the meaning of sacrifice. You don't realize it as a small child, but as you grow older  you do, especially hearing the stories told at funerals and visitations. Both of my grandmothers had humble beginnings and humble ends. They constantly gave of themselves. Both devoted themselves to following Christ and teaching others to do the same. They didn't have much, but what they did have they gave freely to others. They were generous women. They always made sure their families were taken care of, often at the expense of themselves. They were servants in the true sense of the word: helping those in need with no thought to their own needs. They taught me the importance of family. They showed me how to love unconditionally. I learned more about Christ through the lives of these women than all the college courses I took could teach me.

I miss them. I miss the kindness and tenderness in their eyes. I miss the hugs. I miss the games we played. Certain places and Holidays for sure change, because their meaning was tied to my grandmothers. I miss them. I miss the love they always showed me no mater what. I didn't deserve it, or have a right to it, but they showed me love all the same. Even though they have passed on, doesn't mean they are gone forever. I have my memories and those can't be taken away. The lessons they taught me, the principles they instilled in me are pieces of them that will never pass away. And the more I share with others, the longer my grandmothers will live on. They live on through me. A life could never be completely summed up or fully honored with words on a page. My only hope is to impact the lives of others they way they impacted me.

Grandma's house isn't quite the same without grandma. Its hard to find out your grandparents aren't as invincible or permanent as you once thought as a kid. But this post is about the parts of them that are. I know one day I will once again travel to grandma's house. One day we will sit down at a table and catch up as if nothing had ever happened, and I look forward to that day.

In the year of our Lord...

I am late on this, but oh well...

2011 was a weird year.

There is no way that I could have predicted all the events 2011 brought. Primarily because I tried, and none of those things happened. A lot of life altering events happened to me and people close to me. Some great things took place. I graduated from college, got a job, and moved into a new city completely on my own. I finally crossed into the threshold of "adulthood," or my own definition of it anyway.  I ran a 5K for the first time in my life, actually 2 in the same month. I took road trips with friends. Got the chance to work with one of my role models over the summer. I met new people and started new relationships that impacted my life in big ways.

The year was also marked with darker times. Watched people struggle with unemployment. Saw pain, confusion, hard abrupt changes, and loneliness. Saw relationships end as people drifted apart. Had both of my grandmothers pass away. In the end it almost seemed like the year was more pain than good, more disappointment than joy. Gloom,  brokenness, and hurt were prominent threads.

Its was a year of experiences. It was a year full of questions. It was a weird year.

I feel that I should add a disclaimer here: My life is not horrible, and I am not depressed. There were several really good things and positive highlights in 2011. But I did notice a common theme to the events of my life and the lives of those close to me. There were more valleys than mountain peaks, hill tops, or even plateaus.

It was weird year because gloom, brokenness, and hurt are not the threads one would pick first if they were writing the story of their life.

It seems to me that as we go through life we get this idea in our heads of how things "should" play out. We have a picture in our minds of how we want the story to end. But most of the time, the story takes a vicious turn, one far away from the ideal we so desperately wanted or expected. It seems like the story just ends rather abruptly without wrapping up loose ends or bringing closure. And without warning the next story starts and we are caught in the middle of a new story before we were ready to leave the first one.

I think we are under the illusion that we are responsible for writing the end of the story. This is untrue. The truth is: the beginning and the end have already been written. God made all things in the beginning, and in the end will restore all things back to himself.  But we find ourselves in the middle, and sometimes the middle just isn't that great, but it does make all the difference. Because just like Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Harry Potter, or the stuff Donald Miller writes, its the hard times that make the story worth telling.

I learned a lot this past year. I learned about who I am, about who my friends and family are, and about who God is. I think my most valuable lesson I learned is this: The pressure to make everything turn out all right, to make sure the ending is "happily ever after" is completely off our shoulders. Even though it doesn't seem like it amid all the pain, failure, and heartache, we have already been made right. All we have to do is trust that God is already helping us live into the ending of the story. That is the good news.

Slump

So every now and again I seem to fall into a spiritual slump. Its nothing I set out to do, it just sort of happens. I'm sure other people experience the same thing. Its sorta like walking around in a fog, hoping for the sun to come out so you can feel a little warmth and see a little more clearly. Its not the greatest of feelings, and its not the worst, its just blah...

So recently I stumbled into one of these said "slumps." The biggest surprise was not the slump, but the timing. I had just gotten back from a conference in San Diego California, and everything was and had been going really well in my life. Things could not have been smoother sailing. No real reason for a slump. It just didn't make sense. My slump was logic-defying.

And then, while attending a Bible study, a passage of scripture jumped out at me. I wish I could say I had sought out the solution to my slump in the Bible; or I had gone to the Bible study to in fact study and learn about scripture earnestly. Neither of those would be true. But nonetheless the passage jumped out at me.

The passage is found in Acts 10 & 11, where Peter receives a vision, goes and talks to a Gentile named Cornelius, tells him about Jesus, and Gentiles are accepted as followers of Jesus. At the Bible study we discussed how important the passage was; how the gospel is for everyone, all peoples, all nations. We also discussed that you can be a good person like Cornelius, but if Jesus isn't the Lord of your life, you missed it. A beautiful story full of theological meaning. But none of that stuff stood out to me...What jumped off the page at me was Peter's role in the story.

 Peter has always been one of, if not my top favorite character in the Bible. He is your average Joe, who doesn't always get it, but gives it 100% anyway. I feel like I can relate to him. He likes to pray on roof tops, which I loved doing in Abilene when we still had a ladder. If you are unfamiliar with the story Peter receives a vision from God where a giant sheet comes down loaded with "unclean" food. God says eat, and when Peter says no, God says "everything I made is clean." This was referring to Gentiles being included, and how the gospel is for everyone. But that's not what jumped off the page at me. Here is what stuck out to me:

The whole sheet scenario Where God says "eat", Peter says "no", and God says "Everything I made is clean" happens three times. Three times.



but that's not all

At the beginning of the story, we find out that Peter was hungry. Peter was hungry, and God gave him a vision about food.

These two things screamed at me off the page. I think this passage tells us a little something about God. Peter was hungry. God used his hunger to teach him something important, to grow his faith. And even when Peter didn't get it, God didn't give up. He just repeated himself until Peter got it.

It tells me that God shows up in our lives right where we are, not expecting us to make it to his level.

I think that is how God works in the slumps of life. He meets us where we are, slump and all, and calls us to move forward, to grow despite the slump. Like Peter, we may not get it at first because it involves letting go of how we have always believed. Don't worry, God will keep on repeating it until we get it. My question is, whether you are in a slump or not: What in your life is God using to speak to you? What is God using to call you into further growth? If you are like me or Peter, you have probably heard it a few times already.

Go West Young Man

So I just moved.

Well maybe not "just moved." Its been a little over a month since I moved to San Antonio. Nothing too exciting, I've moved plenty of times in my life, and people do it everyday. But this one was big for me. This is the first time in my life that I am living by myself. Its one of the milestones to becoming an adult I guess. Graduate from high school: check. Graduate from college: check. Get a job: check. Move out on your own: check. All that's left is get married and start a family:_______. Well I still have time for that one, but I digress...

This whole moving thing is not all that out of the ordinary, in fact it is pretty much expected. I expected it out of myself. Its just what you do. You go out and make a name for yourself. Historically you head west and tame a little piece of the wild frontier. Western Expansion, Manifest Destiny, and all that jazz. But, there is not much wild frontier around anymore, so you just go wherever you want, or maybe more like wherever the jobs are. But even though it is expected and people have been going out on their own for hundreds if not thousands of years, it can still be a little scary. And sometimes you wonder if you are where you're "supposed to be."

I suppose its my current circumstances, but the story of Abraham has been on my mind recently.

Abraham was an interesting guy. He was just living his life and then God shows up. God tells Abraham to leave everything he has ever know behind, go to some far off land, but also makes a promise of greatness to Abraham. I don't even know if Abraham knew who God was, but he agrees and goes. Typically Abraham is considered a hero of the faith and usually assumed to have this awesome relationship with God. But reading through the story, I wonder how strong his faith was. Abraham doesn't really trust God all the time. I wonder how many years go by between the times God talked to Abraham? I think that Abraham is not all that different from me. Sometimes God is silent, and you wonder if he is still there, or if he even cares. You don't see God working so you try to do it yourself, or just think about giving up.

I find Abraham's story kind of funny. He gets to the land God is promising and sets up camp. A drought comes along, God doesn't seem to be anywhere, so Abraham leaves for Egypt. He lies to Pharaoh, and should be killed, but he instead he is sent away free and with a lot of stuff. Where God seemed absent, he was actually just working behind the scenes. Even in Abraham's disobedience God was working to bless Abraham and come through on his promise. And that pattern happens time and time again in the story.

The thing is that God never promised Abraham he would hold his hand the whole way. He just said "Go, and I will make your name great." He didn't even say when that was going to happen. I think we have to just know that God is going to be silent sometimes. But silence does not mean absence or abandonment. I think we can learn from the story of Abraham that God is involved in our lives even when we don't know it. Sometimes I wonder if it was all about Abraham learning from the silence. How he lived, what he chose to do, in between the times when he talked with God. Was he going to follow God through the silence or not? Maybe its the same for us. Maybe I'm on to something, or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch 

You know what happens when you assume...

I recently (a very relative term) read two books entitled "The Sparrow" and "Children of God", both of which are excellent books. They are both filled with many great themes about God and man worth discussing, but I mention them because they made me realize some things about myself. Far too often than not I find myself assuming what other people think, or assuming why other people acted in a certain way. These assumptions are not always negative in nature, but if I am honest with myself, they slide towards the negative. More than the issue of negativity, how foolish is it of me to think that I can sum up the complete complexity of a human being? I tend to project thoughts and feelings and emotions onto others based on the lens of my own limited experience. This is not effective.

In the books, every time somebody assumed the thoughts and motives of another, something disastrous would happen. Now I find that this does not always happen in real life, but having this attitude or mindset never really helps maintain healthy friendships or any relationships for that matter. Constantly confining someone to who I think they are or should be, confines the potential for healthy growth and development in the relationship with that person. I think often times we do this as a quick fix in order to mask or hide pain, fear, and confusion. But making someone out to be who I want them to be, limits me from ever really getting to know them. And not spending time really learning about who someone is; what drives them, what they are passionate about, how they feel deep down (all the things we generally assume) not only limits the possibility of relationship development, but also limits my growth as a person. And that is scary.

What is scarier still is that I tend to be this way with Jesus. For some reason I walk around thinking I have Jesus all figured out. I like to think I know what Jesus would say or do, or the stance he would take on certain issues. By projecting my own thoughts and values on Jesus, I can justify behavior or feel more in control of the whole Christian life thing. But putting Jesus in a box never provides me the fulfillment I long for, nor does it allow my relationship with him to grow in healthy ways. If I am honest about my Christian life, the times that are the most impactful and meaningful, are the times in which Jesus reveals himself to being other or more than I previously thought or expected. If I can not expect to sum up the complete complexities of another person's inner being, how can I expect to do the same with a man that was also God? Honestly I hope I never have Jesus "completely figured out." The surprises are the best part. Maybe I'm on to something...or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch...

The Hunger

When I get hungry, It is hard for me to think about anything else.

Just ask my sister what it is like to go Christmas shopping with me on an empty stomach. The story is unpleasant. I basically turned into a giant two year old, which is a very scary picture. I was whining, complaining, sitting down in the middle of store aisles, pushing things over, saying mean things, and just being all around terrible. The situation was a lot like a SNICKERS commercial. But instead of turning into Betty White or another celebrity, I turned into a monster. Those commercials say "you're not you when you're hungry," and I definitely was not acting like myself. I'm not a big shopper, but I do enjoy getting gifts for people. However, that day in particular I was unable to take joy in gift getting like I usually do. I was hungry and could not focus on anything else.

I started with such strong conviction to find gifts for my family, but was sidelined by the intense longing for food; so much so, that I could not even function normally until that desire was fulfilled. My thoughts, my goals, and my actions were all directed by my craving. My hunger ruled me.

Of course the severity of my hunger could have been avoided. My hunger pains started small, but as I ignored my bodies prodding, they grew and grew until there was nothing else except the intense desire, until I was completely consumed.

I am reminded of the words of Jesus: "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."

I wonder how many times have I hungered after righteousness? I know how many times my hunger for food has driven me, but have I ever sought out righteousness with the same passion or vigor? Do I seek to align my actions with God so much so, that nothing else can or will sustain me?

I also think about what I feed myself with besides righteousness. How many times in life do I try to satisfy myself with things apart from righteousness? When I feel discontent maybe my first thought should be to look for how my actions can better align with what God is doing in the world, instead of looking for immediate gratification. I also think about how much preparation and presentation is put into meals that ultimately don't last. Do I put the same effort into pursuing righteousness?

I think it all comes down to what we want, what we hunger for, what we long for. I think we all want to live a meaningful life. I also think most of the time we don't satisfy that desire because we don't eat the right things. It seems to me that Jesus offers an invitation to a life with great purpose; an invitation to a life full of meaning and satisfaction. Maybe its time to dig in, or maybe this is just a musing of a modern-day sasquatch

Skadoosh!

Recently I went and saw the new Kung Fu Panda movie with a bunch of Jr. High students, the only group of people I fit in with. If you have not seen it yet, don't worry this blog does not contain any spoilers. I'm not that kind of guy, plus the plot of the movie is not that important to the content of this blog.

Being an avid Kung Fu Panda fan, I noticed a common theme present in both movies. In both movies the characters struggle with skewed perspective on time. In the first film several characters were obsessed with what happened in the past. Shifu (the tiny mouse) always thought about a mistake he made with his first student several years prior. He thought about that mistake so much, that he was unable to be the kind of sensei he needed to be for his current students. Tai Lung (the villain of the movie) was also caught up in the past. He could not think about anything else except how he was wronged in the past and how his life was horrible because of it. He was blinded by his mistreatment in the past so much, that he could not effectively evaluate or effectively function in his current circumstances. In the second film Po (the main character) is the one who is thinking about the past. His concentration on trying to figure out his past keeps him from concentrating on the present and fulfilling his Dragon Warrior destiny. The villain in the second film did not focus on the past, he focused on the future. He was completely wrapped up in what he wanted for his future as well as what other people said he was supposed to be and do. He was so focused on creating his ideal future, that he was blinded to what his actions were doing to others and himself. The characters that succeed in the movies are the ones who are not distracted by the past or the future, but the ones who are fully aware and active in the present moment. In the first film the wise old turtle says, "You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present." The message in the movies is clear: do not worry about things beyond your control, focus on the opportunities in your life now, focus on today.

But we don't need a sensai to tell us this. We have heard this message from a teacher already. This message echoes the one found in scripture.

In Matthew 6 Jesus is addressing a large crowd of people about living in the kingdom of God. He says "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Jesus is revealing a secret to living in God's Kingdom. Jesus is reminding us of God's sovereignty, how God is in control of everything, even the future. But God is not only in control, he is also constantly providing. In God's Kingdom we do not have to worry about what is going to happen tomorrow, because God has it under control and he has already given us today. Jesus is calling us to look around and seek out what God has for us right now, instead of focusing on what we could have had or what could be. I believe this is about what we need as people.

I tend to have a problem with this. I don't disagree, I just have trouble doing it. I tend to focus on the future. I'm always thinking about what could be, or what I would like to happen. I like to picture the possibilities of what could be. Not saying this is a bad thing, but it does create a problem. I spend so much time thinking about what life could be like or what I want to try and do, that sometimes I miss the opportunities in my life right now. I usually get annoyed with people that seem to live in the past. I get annoyed when people talk about the "glory days". I think to myself, "what about your life right now? Is your life over? Is there nothing for you to live for now?" But when I think about it, am I any different? When I spend so much time thinking about what my future looks like, my present suffers. If I am not thinking about now--the relationships I'm in now, the work I'm doing now, or whatever I'm involved in--then all those things suffer due to neglect.

When we always look back on the life that has already happened, or always focus on what could happen, we are not living in reality. Living in the Kingdom means just that: living. Living is hard to do in a fantasy world. Focusing on the past creates regret, and focusing on the future creates worry, two things not included in Jesus' description of the Kingdom of God. These things are barriers to experiencing all that God has for us, and barriers to fulfilling our purpose in life. God is calling us to seek him out and trust him to provide a life worth living now. Maybe I'm on to something, or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch

Night-Night

I thought after I graduated college I would be a grown-up. Seeing as I am living with my mom right now and watching cartoons while I write this, I guess I have not quite reached the grown-up stage. Living at home has reminded me of when I was a child, and I share some of those stories now

When I was little I had a security blanket. It was not a quilt made by my grandmother, or anyone else dear to me. It didn't have a cartoon character on it. In fact it was not a blanket at all. My security blanket was a diaper rag. I didn't even call it blankey, or anything that resembles blanket. My security blanket (rag) went by the affectionate name of Night-Night and we went everywhere together. Watching TV, sitting in the cart at the grocery store, sleeping in the crib, going to day-care, you know all the normal places a two year old might go. One evening my mother and father went out to dinner and I went with them, so obviously Night-Night came with. I'm sure it was a lovely evening. I don't really remember it, I was two. Anyway, after dinner we all loaded up in the car and started for home. It wasn't long before I noticed something was wrong: my Night-Night was missing! In the next few moments my very short life flashed before my eyes and my entire world seemed to shatter around me as everything I knew to be true and right was slipping away. My incessant crying, and my mother, forced my father to turn the car around and retrieve that diaper rag. The restaurant staff may have thought it was a dish rag and used it to clean off the table, but I was never happier than when I held that filthy tattered cloth in my arms again.

A few years later my security blanket changed. Actually it was many years later, and I was 11 or 12. My new security blanket was once again not a blanket, it was a monkey. I wish I could tell you that it was a real live pet monkey, but it wasn't. It was a small stuffed animal that usually resided in my pocket for most of the fifth grade. Like the Night-Night, Monkey went everywhere with me. I do mean everywhere. Church, school, to a friend's house, everywhere. There is a picture of the Mawhirter children in the blue bonnets and monkey is right there with me. Embarrassing I know. It gets better. One horrible day the family was at my aunt's house and I had to use the restroom; of course monkey was along for the ride. I set monkey down on the top of the toilet while I did my business, because obviously that is the best place to put a stuffed animal you take to the bathroom with you. When I flushed the toilet I reached for my dear pall Monkey and knocked him into the toilet. With a faint gurgle, monkey was sucked down the pipes, and I never saw him again.

Some parts of those story may be a little over the top and slightly exaggerated, but hold truth none-the-less. I think everyone has a security blanket. It may not be an old smelly rag, or a small monkey, but we have them all the same. My Night-Night, and my monkey, made me feel safe, made me feel comfortable. No matter where I was, or what was going on, I felt secure. As a child so many things lie beyond our control, and we desperately need to know that we are safe. I think we all long for that feeling of safety and security, to know that no matter what things will be ok. But the problem is we settle for just the feeling of security instead of the real thing. How often do we surround ourselves with things that make us feel important or powerful; things that as long as we have them we will be secure? Have you ever thought: As long as I have money things will be ok; As long as I have my friends around, I'll be fine; As long as we stay together, things will be ok; As long as I have my family, I'm ok; As long as I have this job I'm golden; If this, as long as that, yada yada yada. Like my Night-Night and Monkey, we cling to so many things, and those things never really last all that long. We lose the job, people move, relationships break up, our money is stolen or lost. Our security ends up getting left in a restaurant or sucked down the toilet and we never see it again.

So why do we have this desire, this longing for security? It seems wrong to have such a desire that always ends unfulfilled. The desire starts out good, but is twisted when we try to become the source of our own security. Thats when it fails. This desire is within us to lead us to something greater, lead us to true security.

Where to find true security is revealed to us in scripture. Psalm 91 says: Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

Then the writer goes on to explain what happens after putting our security in God: no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

According to these verses security is found, once we surrender it, when we give it up to something greater than ourselves. True security is found when we call on God, not on our own resources. What if we lived like this was true? Our desire to find security is not wrong, embrace it and let it lead you to the one who lifts you up in the hands of angels.

The Cage

I'm no scientist, but I think everyone has a dream at some point in which they are trapped. I remember one dream in which I was trying to escape from a prison camp. I think people in general would prefer not to be in a prison camp or some other equivalent, but I know that I personally hate the idea of being trapped. I can't stand knowing you are meant for/capable of something more, but for whatever reason are unable to fulfill that purpose. One of the feelings I hate the most: felling like you are in a cage.

Not too long ago, I found myself stuck at home with not much to do (a.ka. feeling trapped). Wanting to avoid cabin fever, my sister and I went to the zoo. I have never been all too fond of zoos, but going provided the opportunity for two things: 1) people watching, one of my favorite pastimes and 2) some relief from sheer and utter boredom. Both of these opportunities were realized as my sister and I made fun of several people at the zoo via twitter. One such person was a rather loud woman, who should have thought more about her words before she let them out. This particular woman wondered aloud if the animal we were looking at was extinct. Then later she asked if the sleeping animals in a certain exhibit were dead. Not the most intelligent comments. After that there were several old people and small children who provided plenty of laughs.

I don't like zoos because typically they are boring. The animals don't really do anything. They just sit in their cages and stare at you, or sleep. In fact I would take staring over sleeping any day. At least then I could have a contest with an animal. I don't like zoos because I feel like I get jipped. I pay money to see vicious creatures who are not vicious in any way. In fact I could probably just go stand outside and see something more entertaining. I am in no way an animal rights activist, so I don't really care that the animals are trapped in cages. I just wish the animals acted a little more like...animals.

I understand liability plays a factor. Wild animals tend to be just that, wild, unpredictable, crazy, dangerous. I understand that the zookeepers are just trying to protect people from what is in the cage, or maybe to protect what is in the cage from the people. Both are examples of protection, not really trusting what is outside the cage. Keeping things inside the cage, separate from everything else is just safer, easier to control, more predictable.

Recently I have been thinking about cages in a new way. Instead of feeling trapped inside a cage, I wonder what I put in a cage and what that even means.

You see here is the problem: As a follower of Jesus I am called to lay down my life, every part of it, in order to actually follow Christ. If I claim Jesus as Lord, then that means I place him as sovereign over my life; every part of my life. That is not the problem. The problem is actually doing this. You see there are some areas of life in which it is easy to give up control, and some where it is not as easy. There are some areas we tend to keep in the cage (metaphorically of course). It could be anything. Sometimes its money or the stuff we own. I know for me it tends to be my relationships with other people. It really could be anything. Whatever it may be, so often there is a part of our lives that we would rather God just stay out of. This area is just so important to us, that it can be hard to trust someone else, even if it is the creator of the universe, to have final say in how it goes. So we put it in a cage. Not for liability's sake, but to protect what we have in there from getting changed or even messed up from the way we like it to be. And so it is kept from harm...or so we think.

The more I think about cages in this way, the more relevant the loud woman's comments are. In the zoo the animals are limited in what they can do, limited from being what they were made to do. So most of the time they lay around and they do in fact appear to be dead. Its the same with our lives. By keeping some areas in cages we place limits on truly experiencing it the way it was intended. By locking things away in a cage, we distort our perception of our lives and slowly kill what is inside the bars. If we take an honest look at what is in the cage, does it look alive, or dead?

We have to be brave and unlock the cage. Its a scary thing to do because once its out we don't have the same control anymore. Outside the cage things can run away or turn on you, but they are also fully alive. We have to unlock the cage for two reasons. The first is we can not keep God from parts of our lives. We need to invite the creator in to bring newness and fullness to every area of our life. And the second reason to unlock the cage, is for the sake of saving what is inside. If we know what it feels like to be trapped, how can we subject something we care about to the torture of that feeling and experience? Maybe I'm on to something, or maybe its just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch

Can you make change?

Try to place yourself in the following scenarios: You need to break a large bill into smaller ones, so you keep asking people if they "can make change." Or another time when paying for something, a cashier hands you a few small coins and you say "keep the change." Or perhaps on another occasion you see a penny or two lying on the side walk, but neglect to pick up the change off the ground because after all, "its only a penny." But have you ever been in the process of paying for something only to find out you could not pay the exact amount because you were a few cents short? It seems there is some change we want, and others we don't.

I find the concept of change very interesting. Change, or a desire for it, seems to be a driving force behind American culture. We never seem to be quite satisfied with what we have, we must have something different. It seems that the vast majority of prayers center on the idea of God changing the current circumstance or situation; that God would bring about something new. This in and of itself is not interesting, in fact you may have already observed that yourself, or even prayed that God would change something multiple times today (I know I did). What I find interesting is how so many people do not handle changes in their life very well. Change, the very thing that most people want or even desire, causes so many to freak out when it actually happens. I think this freak out happens for the most part because deep down the change we want would affect outside factors such as other people or situations or environments; but the change we are usually faced with affects us, or would cause us to change. I think this is where the problem lies. We would love for other people to change, but its a little harder when we are the ones who need to change. But the Jesus I follow calls for the latter.

In the Gospel of Matthew the disciples are out on the lake at night and the wind starts picking up. Before you know it a storm ensues and the waves start whipping the boat all over the place. Now it doesn't say this in the text, but I know that if I was in a boat, at night, during a storm, and far from land, I would be afraid and praying for something to change. And wouldn't you know it, Jesus shows up, walking out to them on the water. They cry out to him, but he does not calm the storm at this point. He does something strange (as if walking on water is not strange enough), he calls Peter to walk out into the storm. So peter steps out of the boat, starts walking towards Jesus, notices that the storm hadn't changed, and freaks out in a sinking panic. Luckily Jesus was still there to save Peter. So we see the disciples pray for change that night, and God shows up to enact change. But he does not change the situation, he calls Peter to change.

Peter freaked out, like many of us, because it appeared that nothing changed. His situation/circumstances had not changed: there was still a life threatening storm. What he failed to realize was that he was walking on the stormy waters, or in a sense he was in more control of the situation than he was before. He was walking (with the help of Jesus of course) on and over what he wanted to change. He didn't get the change he wanted, his situation was virtually the same, but the change he got, him making a change, was more powerful. We may not get the change we want, but when we change it is more powerful. It will never seem like the better option as long as we are still looking at the situation we wanted changed, but it will if we focus on the change Jesus is calling us to make.

Only problem is: that's hard to do.

Most of the time we want big changes, and we are disappointed when we don't change in those big ways. But I don't think it is always supposed to be a huge change. I think we have to start small. I think it starts by picking up the change on the sidewalk, so that when the time comes, we will have exactly what we need. I think we need to stay alert to how Jesus is calling us to change personally, because when we do, he can work through us to bring about change to the situation. Maybe I'm on to something, or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch...

The Brita Life

So I bought a Brita water filter. Not one of those pitchers, but the kind that screws onto your faucet. To be perfectly honest I did not do this to save the planet, but to save money on buying bottled water. I'm not that green I guess just cheap. Well moving on, the filter has a light system that tells the consumer when the filter has gone bad and needs to be replaced. Much like the traffic signal system, a green light means you are good to go, and a solid red light means do not drink this water it is poisonous. Maybe not poisonous, but at the very least, not filtered which is the same as poison I'm sure. Well anyway, the other day I noticed that my ice-cold refreshing water was tasting a little bit funny so I decided to replace the filter, realizing it had been some time since the filter had been replaced. So I changed the filter, did a taste test, and declared everything back to normal. I then noticed that the indicator light on the filter was no longer coming on. So whether the filter is on green for go or on red for poison water, I will not know unless I notice a difference in how it tastes. To be perfectly honest as long as the water is super cold, it all tastes the same, so I will probably slowly ingest poison without knowing it until I just drop dead. I have no idea if the filter is even doing its job. The whole filter system should probably be replaced.

I can't help but think how our lives tend to function in the same way as the Brita water filter. We all have a filter, whether we choose to acknowledge its presence or not, we have ways of determining what is good and healthy for us and what is not. Everyday we encounter a number of different situations and scenarios. These different situations will have different degrees of influence on us based on what kind of filter we have. I think a lot of us are having problems with our filters. I started thinking about this one day during during one of my classes. In the class we were discussing the impact of the media on youth culture, and whether or not being exposed to certain things at an early age is healthy for growth and development. My professor asked a very interesting question. He asked the class who all had seen someone having sex before. Not necessarily in person, just in a movie, on the internet, or what have you. This question really stuck out to me. I really began thinking about how much of an impact the things I watch have on me. The class was about spiritual formation, so his ultimate question was "does whatever you are doing help mold or shape you into a greater likeness of Jesus Christ or does it do the opposite?" I think this a great filter. But it is only a great filter if becoming like Jesus is your goal.

Why did I buy the Brita filter? While I wanted to save money, the ultimate goal was pure and clean water. In order to stay healthy and feel healthy, I need to first put clean and pure things in. When I had the light, it was easy to tell when I was doing this, but now that the light has gone out, it's not as easy. I think it is time we checked our filters. Maybe they need to be changed, or maybe we have become really desensitized and our filter lights have gone out. I think we need to watch what we take in, need to monitor what is influencing us. But the filter is not the end goal, it is simply a tool that helps us get there. This is not a post about how we must remove everything "secular" from our lives. This is however a post calling us to examine how much influence any form of media has on our lives. I don't think that media controls our lives, but I do think it impacts us on some level.

Just recently my roommate and I have undertaken the quest of watching every Seinfeld episode in order before we graduate from college. I am a long-time Seinfeld fan and enjoy watching the show. But it might be time to check the filter. While I might not mirror the lifestyles of the characters on the show, I do however find myself being quite sarcastic and biting towards people at times. I will probably continue watching the show and complete our quest, but that doesn't mean I have to let the things I watch influence how I act. So when is the last time you checked your filter? Are the things you are watching or listening to strengthening or breaking down your relationships? Maybe I'm on to something...or maybe it's just a musing of a modern-day sasquatch

Summer 2010

My last week of summer starts tomorrow. Amidst the chaos of planning an end of summer banquet and fitting every little last thing in before I leave, I have begun to think back over the time I have spent here and evaluate what I have learned, especially since I have to turn it in for a grade...

I spent my summer as a youth intern for Grace Crossing, a church down in the Conroe/Woodlands area of Texas. I spent my days on youth trips, going to camps, eating fast food, planning events, playing disc golf, attending staff meetings, playing ultimate on the church lawn, and other exciting happenings like being stranded on the side of the road. I got to work under the supervision of two extraordinary people, one of which I knew and the other I didn't, but am glad to say I know both of them better now. I learned a lot this summer. I learned more about teaching, about dealing with both kids and chaperons on youth trips, and about Quelf a very fascinating and entertaining game. I stayed with an awesome family and fit right in with my red haired beard. I had many invaluable talks about ministry and life in general which I don't think I would have got in a classroom. I was reminded about hope, something I had almost forgot about. I got to be apart of a very healthy team of ministers and see a great group of church elders at work. It was an excellent summer and I loved every far too quickly passing second. But all the while I heard a whisper in the back of my mind that grew louder and louder as the summer went on. A whisper that had been there for some time, but I had not quite made it out yet.

Am I Enough?

A question that many people ask themselves on a regular basis; usually in reference to their performance or adequacy in their job or relationships or whatever it may be. A question that plagues the mids of many with doubt. But I was not asking myself this question this summer. I was not questioning my ability or performance as a youth minister. This time the question came from God, and to no surprise his questions are harder to answer.

God was not questioning his ability or power, for that is infinite. God was asking me if I could be content with just him; even if everything else was gone would I be satisfied? would I feel fulfilled and complete with nothing but my relationship with him? If my stuff was gone, if my plans all fell through, if nothing went my way, or even if I had everything going for me, could I let it all go, could I view it as rubbish in comparison to knowing Christ and my relationship with him?

You see I talked on this very subject near the beginning of the summer during the weekly Wednesday night worship time. After that night I began to hear that whisper more distinctly. I find it odd that they scheduled me to talk about this because I had been thinking about the concept of contentment since the fall semester of 2009. Probably just coincidence I'm sure...

As is the case every time I speak at some devotional, the lesson or point God is trying to get across to the youth he is also trying to get across to me.

It is a humbling question you see because I would never have considered myself materialistic. I have never really considered myself to have a lot of stuff. By all means I know that I am extremely blessed, but it seemed like I always just had the essentials. But this idea was challenged this summer. What really is essential? If I am not deepening my relationship with The Most High, how far away from "the essentials" am I really?

It is almost impossible to notice this unless your routine gets disrupted. Mine got disrupted in a pretty big way. This summer for periods of time I have had to do without two things that my day all but revolves around: a vehicle and a phone. It's amazing how much bigger the world seems when you don't have a car or how disconnected you feel from the world and everyone in it when you don't have a phone. Life keeps going but in a way your participation seems limited. But what is more essential: being able to go wherever you want, or being able to go where you are wanted? Being able to access the world at your fingertips and connect with anyone, or connecting with the one who made the world and everyone in it with his fingertips? My situation could definitely be described as inconvenient, but all that really means is I could not do what I wanted when I wanted it. Instead of relying on myself to provide, I had to trust God. Not that it was a bad thing. Because in the end all my stuff is just stuff. It fades away as quickly as it got here. But there was one constant this summer; there was one thing that I could hold on to when everything else failed; and that thing was God.

So I wish I could say that I now have complete understanding of this topic, but the truth is I am am just getting started. All I know is that God will only be satisfying when I stop eating from the other trees and pick him instead. It seems ridiculous that choosing one thing over hundreds of other things could be satisfying, but then again it is the one thing that didn't change all summer...maybe I'm on to something or maybe it's just a musing of a modern-day sasquatch.