My last week of summer starts tomorrow. Amidst the chaos of planning an end of summer banquet and fitting every little last thing in before I leave, I have begun to think back over the time I have spent here and evaluate what I have learned, especially since I have to turn it in for a grade...
I spent my summer as a youth intern for Grace Crossing, a church down in the Conroe/Woodlands area of Texas. I spent my days on youth trips, going to camps, eating fast food, planning events, playing disc golf, attending staff meetings, playing ultimate on the church lawn, and other exciting happenings like being stranded on the side of the road. I got to work under the supervision of two extraordinary people, one of which I knew and the other I didn't, but am glad to say I know both of them better now. I learned a lot this summer. I learned more about teaching, about dealing with both kids and chaperons on youth trips, and about Quelf a very fascinating and entertaining game. I stayed with an awesome family and fit right in with my red haired beard. I had many invaluable talks about ministry and life in general which I don't think I would have got in a classroom. I was reminded about hope, something I had almost forgot about. I got to be apart of a very healthy team of ministers and see a great group of church elders at work. It was an excellent summer and I loved every far too quickly passing second. But all the while I heard a whisper in the back of my mind that grew louder and louder as the summer went on. A whisper that had been there for some time, but I had not quite made it out yet.
A question that many people ask themselves on a regular basis; usually in reference to their performance or adequacy in their job or relationships or whatever it may be. A question that plagues the mids of many with doubt. But I was not asking myself this question this summer. I was not questioning my ability or performance as a youth minister. This time the question came from God, and to no surprise his questions are harder to answer.
God was not questioning his ability or power, for that is infinite. God was asking me if I could be content with just him; even if everything else was gone would I be satisfied? would I feel fulfilled and complete with nothing but my relationship with him? If my stuff was gone, if my plans all fell through, if nothing went my way, or even if I had everything going for me, could I let it all go, could I view it as rubbish in comparison to knowing Christ and my relationship with him?
You see I talked on this very subject near the beginning of the summer during the weekly Wednesday night worship time. After that night I began to hear that whisper more distinctly. I find it odd that they scheduled me to talk about this because I had been thinking about the concept of contentment since the fall semester of 2009. Probably just coincidence I'm sure...
As is the case every time I speak at some devotional, the lesson or point God is trying to get across to the youth he is also trying to get across to me.
It is a humbling question you see because I would never have considered myself materialistic. I have never really considered myself to have a lot of stuff. By all means I know that I am extremely blessed, but it seemed like I always just had the essentials. But this idea was challenged this summer. What really is essential? If I am not deepening my relationship with The Most High, how far away from "the essentials" am I really?
It is almost impossible to notice this unless your routine gets disrupted. Mine got disrupted in a pretty big way. This summer for periods of time I have had to do without two things that my day all but revolves around: a vehicle and a phone. It's amazing how much bigger the world seems when you don't have a car or how disconnected you feel from the world and everyone in it when you don't have a phone. Life keeps going but in a way your participation seems limited. But what is more essential: being able to go wherever you want, or being able to go where you are wanted? Being able to access the world at your fingertips and connect with anyone, or connecting with the one who made the world and everyone in it with his fingertips? My situation could definitely be described as inconvenient, but all that really means is I could not do what I wanted when I wanted it. Instead of relying on myself to provide, I had to trust God. Not that it was a bad thing. Because in the end all my stuff is just stuff. It fades away as quickly as it got here. But there was one constant this summer; there was one thing that I could hold on to when everything else failed; and that thing was God.
So I wish I could say that I now have complete understanding of this topic, but the truth is I am am just getting started. All I know is that God will only be satisfying when I stop eating from the other trees and pick him instead. It seems ridiculous that choosing one thing over hundreds of other things could be satisfying, but then again it is the one thing that didn't change all summer...maybe I'm on to something or maybe it's just a musing of a modern-day sasquatch.
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