I don't know how it happened, but every time my family played Monopoly growing up, I seemed to win. I'm almost positive my (at times) overly high self confidence can be attributed to all those wins. When you think about it, Monopoly is an interesting game. Its all about gaining control and power over all the other players in the game. When I think about it in that light, I'm not sure why any family would ever play that game, but we did. Its funny how much of that game has little to do with actual money-handling or budgeting skills. As a kid a knew very little about those things, yet I could win the game. Why? Because the way the die landed. So much of that game is left up to luck, chance, and free parking. Sure knowing a lot about money can help you, but if you keep rolling doubles, or land on that very unfortunate space, you wind up in jail and all that knowledge doesn't do you a lick of good. If you don't land or crucial pieces of real estate or the community chest, the game can be very unpleasant. You find yourself longing for the "go" space; desiring to just to make it around the board one more time so you can pass go and at least make some money.
The other night I couldn't sleep. Even after an endless number of sheep herds passed before my eyes, I couldn't drift off into dream land. In my restlessness I came across some old all-but-forgotten friends. I came across my old Facebook notes, which were the start and inspiration to this blog. The beginning of my online writing you could say. You can read them here: http://www.facebook.com/sir.levi.mawhirter?sk=notes (25 random things does not count...)
If you don't have Facebook, you're out of luck, but you can always use somebody else's if you're really interested in reading them.
Its always interesting to read the old things you write, whether they be blogs, Facebook notes, journals, or what have you, because they provide us with a little snap-shot of what was going on in our lives. It can be fun to see how we have changed or grown since last we wrote.
No matter where we are on the board, whether we are dominating or really hurting, it can be beneficial to go back to the start. For one it provides some relief from the onslaught that life throws at us some times. But it also comes with a bonus, a reward. It is good to look back and say "I can't believe I used to be so concerned about that!" or better yet we can see the areas where God came through for us; the times God answered our prayers. Sometimes these little things are enough to keep you in the game. So I encourage you to pass go and collect your $200. You just might be encouraged with what you find.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
To Grandmother's House We Go
As a kid growing up you think that your grandparents will always be there, because they always have been. They seem almost invincible. Even when faced with health problems or other struggles that come with old age, it still seems like you will have them forever. They will continue to be there spoiling you, loving on you, and fussing over you because that's just what grandparents do. It appears that you always have a place to go, you are always welcome at Grandma's house. But then funerals happen.
Both of my grandmothers died this past year a few months apart.
I'm not gonna write how it was God's plan and one day we will understand, because I don't believe that.
The truth is that it sucks, its difficult, and it creates hard questions without answers. Losing someone is never easy because you don't just lose a person, you lose meaningful relationships, you lose a piece of your heart, and that hurts. But this isn't a post where I vent about those things. This is a tribute.
This a tribute to the life my grandmother's lived and encouraged me to live by the impact they had on me and countless others. This is a tribute to the values and principles instilled in me through two women who have inspired me to live for something greater than myself. This post is a tribute.
My grandmothers taught me the meaning of sacrifice. You don't realize it as a small child, but as you grow older you do, especially hearing the stories told at funerals and visitations. Both of my grandmothers had humble beginnings and humble ends. They constantly gave of themselves. Both devoted themselves to following Christ and teaching others to do the same. They didn't have much, but what they did have they gave freely to others. They were generous women. They always made sure their families were taken care of, often at the expense of themselves. They were servants in the true sense of the word: helping those in need with no thought to their own needs. They taught me the importance of family. They showed me how to love unconditionally. I learned more about Christ through the lives of these women than all the college courses I took could teach me.
I miss them. I miss the kindness and tenderness in their eyes. I miss the hugs. I miss the games we played. Certain places and Holidays for sure change, because their meaning was tied to my grandmothers. I miss them. I miss the love they always showed me no mater what. I didn't deserve it, or have a right to it, but they showed me love all the same. Even though they have passed on, doesn't mean they are gone forever. I have my memories and those can't be taken away. The lessons they taught me, the principles they instilled in me are pieces of them that will never pass away. And the more I share with others, the longer my grandmothers will live on. They live on through me. A life could never be completely summed up or fully honored with words on a page. My only hope is to impact the lives of others they way they impacted me.
Grandma's house isn't quite the same without grandma. Its hard to find out your grandparents aren't as invincible or permanent as you once thought as a kid. But this post is about the parts of them that are. I know one day I will once again travel to grandma's house. One day we will sit down at a table and catch up as if nothing had ever happened, and I look forward to that day.
Both of my grandmothers died this past year a few months apart.
I'm not gonna write how it was God's plan and one day we will understand, because I don't believe that.
The truth is that it sucks, its difficult, and it creates hard questions without answers. Losing someone is never easy because you don't just lose a person, you lose meaningful relationships, you lose a piece of your heart, and that hurts. But this isn't a post where I vent about those things. This is a tribute.
This a tribute to the life my grandmother's lived and encouraged me to live by the impact they had on me and countless others. This is a tribute to the values and principles instilled in me through two women who have inspired me to live for something greater than myself. This post is a tribute.
My grandmothers taught me the meaning of sacrifice. You don't realize it as a small child, but as you grow older you do, especially hearing the stories told at funerals and visitations. Both of my grandmothers had humble beginnings and humble ends. They constantly gave of themselves. Both devoted themselves to following Christ and teaching others to do the same. They didn't have much, but what they did have they gave freely to others. They were generous women. They always made sure their families were taken care of, often at the expense of themselves. They were servants in the true sense of the word: helping those in need with no thought to their own needs. They taught me the importance of family. They showed me how to love unconditionally. I learned more about Christ through the lives of these women than all the college courses I took could teach me.
I miss them. I miss the kindness and tenderness in their eyes. I miss the hugs. I miss the games we played. Certain places and Holidays for sure change, because their meaning was tied to my grandmothers. I miss them. I miss the love they always showed me no mater what. I didn't deserve it, or have a right to it, but they showed me love all the same. Even though they have passed on, doesn't mean they are gone forever. I have my memories and those can't be taken away. The lessons they taught me, the principles they instilled in me are pieces of them that will never pass away. And the more I share with others, the longer my grandmothers will live on. They live on through me. A life could never be completely summed up or fully honored with words on a page. My only hope is to impact the lives of others they way they impacted me.
Grandma's house isn't quite the same without grandma. Its hard to find out your grandparents aren't as invincible or permanent as you once thought as a kid. But this post is about the parts of them that are. I know one day I will once again travel to grandma's house. One day we will sit down at a table and catch up as if nothing had ever happened, and I look forward to that day.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
In the year of our Lord...
I am late on this, but oh well...
2011 was a weird year.
There is no way that I could have predicted all the events 2011 brought. Primarily because I tried, and none of those things happened. A lot of life altering events happened to me and people close to me. Some great things took place. I graduated from college, got a job, and moved into a new city completely on my own. I finally crossed into the threshold of "adulthood," or my own definition of it anyway. I ran a 5K for the first time in my life, actually 2 in the same month. I took road trips with friends. Got the chance to work with one of my role models over the summer. I met new people and started new relationships that impacted my life in big ways.
The year was also marked with darker times. Watched people struggle with unemployment. Saw pain, confusion, hard abrupt changes, and loneliness. Saw relationships end as people drifted apart. Had both of my grandmothers pass away. In the end it almost seemed like the year was more pain than good, more disappointment than joy. Gloom, brokenness, and hurt were prominent threads.
Its was a year of experiences. It was a year full of questions. It was a weird year.
I feel that I should add a disclaimer here: My life is not horrible, and I am not depressed. There were several really good things and positive highlights in 2011. But I did notice a common theme to the events of my life and the lives of those close to me. There were more valleys than mountain peaks, hill tops, or even plateaus.
It was weird year because gloom, brokenness, and hurt are not the threads one would pick first if they were writing the story of their life.
It seems to me that as we go through life we get this idea in our heads of how things "should" play out. We have a picture in our minds of how we want the story to end. But most of the time, the story takes a vicious turn, one far away from the ideal we so desperately wanted or expected. It seems like the story just ends rather abruptly without wrapping up loose ends or bringing closure. And without warning the next story starts and we are caught in the middle of a new story before we were ready to leave the first one.
I think we are under the illusion that we are responsible for writing the end of the story. This is untrue. The truth is: the beginning and the end have already been written. God made all things in the beginning, and in the end will restore all things back to himself. But we find ourselves in the middle, and sometimes the middle just isn't that great, but it does make all the difference. Because just like Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Harry Potter, or the stuff Donald Miller writes, its the hard times that make the story worth telling.
I learned a lot this past year. I learned about who I am, about who my friends and family are, and about who God is. I think my most valuable lesson I learned is this: The pressure to make everything turn out all right, to make sure the ending is "happily ever after" is completely off our shoulders. Even though it doesn't seem like it amid all the pain, failure, and heartache, we have already been made right. All we have to do is trust that God is already helping us live into the ending of the story. That is the good news.
2011 was a weird year.
There is no way that I could have predicted all the events 2011 brought. Primarily because I tried, and none of those things happened. A lot of life altering events happened to me and people close to me. Some great things took place. I graduated from college, got a job, and moved into a new city completely on my own. I finally crossed into the threshold of "adulthood," or my own definition of it anyway. I ran a 5K for the first time in my life, actually 2 in the same month. I took road trips with friends. Got the chance to work with one of my role models over the summer. I met new people and started new relationships that impacted my life in big ways.
The year was also marked with darker times. Watched people struggle with unemployment. Saw pain, confusion, hard abrupt changes, and loneliness. Saw relationships end as people drifted apart. Had both of my grandmothers pass away. In the end it almost seemed like the year was more pain than good, more disappointment than joy. Gloom, brokenness, and hurt were prominent threads.
Its was a year of experiences. It was a year full of questions. It was a weird year.
I feel that I should add a disclaimer here: My life is not horrible, and I am not depressed. There were several really good things and positive highlights in 2011. But I did notice a common theme to the events of my life and the lives of those close to me. There were more valleys than mountain peaks, hill tops, or even plateaus.
It was weird year because gloom, brokenness, and hurt are not the threads one would pick first if they were writing the story of their life.
It seems to me that as we go through life we get this idea in our heads of how things "should" play out. We have a picture in our minds of how we want the story to end. But most of the time, the story takes a vicious turn, one far away from the ideal we so desperately wanted or expected. It seems like the story just ends rather abruptly without wrapping up loose ends or bringing closure. And without warning the next story starts and we are caught in the middle of a new story before we were ready to leave the first one.
I think we are under the illusion that we are responsible for writing the end of the story. This is untrue. The truth is: the beginning and the end have already been written. God made all things in the beginning, and in the end will restore all things back to himself. But we find ourselves in the middle, and sometimes the middle just isn't that great, but it does make all the difference. Because just like Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Harry Potter, or the stuff Donald Miller writes, its the hard times that make the story worth telling.
I learned a lot this past year. I learned about who I am, about who my friends and family are, and about who God is. I think my most valuable lesson I learned is this: The pressure to make everything turn out all right, to make sure the ending is "happily ever after" is completely off our shoulders. Even though it doesn't seem like it amid all the pain, failure, and heartache, we have already been made right. All we have to do is trust that God is already helping us live into the ending of the story. That is the good news.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Slump
So every now and again I seem to fall into a spiritual slump. Its nothing I set out to do, it just sort of happens. I'm sure other people experience the same thing. Its sorta like walking around in a fog, hoping for the sun to come out so you can feel a little warmth and see a little more clearly. Its not the greatest of feelings, and its not the worst, its just blah...
So recently I stumbled into one of these said "slumps." The biggest surprise was not the slump, but the timing. I had just gotten back from a conference in San Diego California, and everything was and had been going really well in my life. Things could not have been smoother sailing. No real reason for a slump. It just didn't make sense. My slump was logic-defying.
And then, while attending a Bible study, a passage of scripture jumped out at me. I wish I could say I had sought out the solution to my slump in the Bible; or I had gone to the Bible study to in fact study and learn about scripture earnestly. Neither of those would be true. But nonetheless the passage jumped out at me.
The passage is found in Acts 10 & 11, where Peter receives a vision, goes and talks to a Gentile named Cornelius, tells him about Jesus, and Gentiles are accepted as followers of Jesus. At the Bible study we discussed how important the passage was; how the gospel is for everyone, all peoples, all nations. We also discussed that you can be a good person like Cornelius, but if Jesus isn't the Lord of your life, you missed it. A beautiful story full of theological meaning. But none of that stuff stood out to me...What jumped off the page at me was Peter's role in the story.
Peter has always been one of, if not my top favorite character in the Bible. He is your average Joe, who doesn't always get it, but gives it 100% anyway. I feel like I can relate to him. He likes to pray on roof tops, which I loved doing in Abilene when we still had a ladder. If you are unfamiliar with the story Peter receives a vision from God where a giant sheet comes down loaded with "unclean" food. God says eat, and when Peter says no, God says "everything I made is clean." This was referring to Gentiles being included, and how the gospel is for everyone. But that's not what jumped off the page at me. Here is what stuck out to me:
The whole sheet scenario Where God says "eat", Peter says "no", and God says "Everything I made is clean" happens three times. Three times.
but that's not all
These two things screamed at me off the page. I think this passage tells us a little something about God. Peter was hungry. God used his hunger to teach him something important, to grow his faith. And even when Peter didn't get it, God didn't give up. He just repeated himself until Peter got it.
So recently I stumbled into one of these said "slumps." The biggest surprise was not the slump, but the timing. I had just gotten back from a conference in San Diego California, and everything was and had been going really well in my life. Things could not have been smoother sailing. No real reason for a slump. It just didn't make sense. My slump was logic-defying.
And then, while attending a Bible study, a passage of scripture jumped out at me. I wish I could say I had sought out the solution to my slump in the Bible; or I had gone to the Bible study to in fact study and learn about scripture earnestly. Neither of those would be true. But nonetheless the passage jumped out at me.
The passage is found in Acts 10 & 11, where Peter receives a vision, goes and talks to a Gentile named Cornelius, tells him about Jesus, and Gentiles are accepted as followers of Jesus. At the Bible study we discussed how important the passage was; how the gospel is for everyone, all peoples, all nations. We also discussed that you can be a good person like Cornelius, but if Jesus isn't the Lord of your life, you missed it. A beautiful story full of theological meaning. But none of that stuff stood out to me...What jumped off the page at me was Peter's role in the story.
Peter has always been one of, if not my top favorite character in the Bible. He is your average Joe, who doesn't always get it, but gives it 100% anyway. I feel like I can relate to him. He likes to pray on roof tops, which I loved doing in Abilene when we still had a ladder. If you are unfamiliar with the story Peter receives a vision from God where a giant sheet comes down loaded with "unclean" food. God says eat, and when Peter says no, God says "everything I made is clean." This was referring to Gentiles being included, and how the gospel is for everyone. But that's not what jumped off the page at me. Here is what stuck out to me:
The whole sheet scenario Where God says "eat", Peter says "no", and God says "Everything I made is clean" happens three times. Three times.
but that's not all
At the beginning of the story, we find out that Peter was hungry. Peter was hungry, and God gave him a vision about food.
It tells me that God shows up in our lives right where we are, not expecting us to make it to his level.
I think that is how God works in the slumps of life. He meets us where we are, slump and all, and calls us to move forward, to grow despite the slump. Like Peter, we may not get it at first because it involves letting go of how we have always believed. Don't worry, God will keep on repeating it until we get it. My question is, whether you are in a slump or not: What in your life is God using to speak to you? What is God using to call you into further growth? If you are like me or Peter, you have probably heard it a few times already.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Go West Young Man
So I just moved.
Well maybe not "just moved." Its been a little over a month since I moved to San Antonio. Nothing too exciting, I've moved plenty of times in my life, and people do it everyday. But this one was big for me. This is the first time in my life that I am living by myself. Its one of the milestones to becoming an adult I guess. Graduate from high school: check. Graduate from college: check. Get a job: check. Move out on your own: check. All that's left is get married and start a family:_______. Well I still have time for that one, but I digress...
This whole moving thing is not all that out of the ordinary, in fact it is pretty much expected. I expected it out of myself. Its just what you do. You go out and make a name for yourself. Historically you head west and tame a little piece of the wild frontier. Western Expansion, Manifest Destiny, and all that jazz. But, there is not much wild frontier around anymore, so you just go wherever you want, or maybe more like wherever the jobs are. But even though it is expected and people have been going out on their own for hundreds if not thousands of years, it can still be a little scary. And sometimes you wonder if you are where you're "supposed to be."
I suppose its my current circumstances, but the story of Abraham has been on my mind recently.
Abraham was an interesting guy. He was just living his life and then God shows up. God tells Abraham to leave everything he has ever know behind, go to some far off land, but also makes a promise of greatness to Abraham. I don't even know if Abraham knew who God was, but he agrees and goes. Typically Abraham is considered a hero of the faith and usually assumed to have this awesome relationship with God. But reading through the story, I wonder how strong his faith was. Abraham doesn't really trust God all the time. I wonder how many years go by between the times God talked to Abraham? I think that Abraham is not all that different from me. Sometimes God is silent, and you wonder if he is still there, or if he even cares. You don't see God working so you try to do it yourself, or just think about giving up.
I find Abraham's story kind of funny. He gets to the land God is promising and sets up camp. A drought comes along, God doesn't seem to be anywhere, so Abraham leaves for Egypt. He lies to Pharaoh, and should be killed, but he instead he is sent away free and with a lot of stuff. Where God seemed absent, he was actually just working behind the scenes. Even in Abraham's disobedience God was working to bless Abraham and come through on his promise. And that pattern happens time and time again in the story.
The thing is that God never promised Abraham he would hold his hand the whole way. He just said "Go, and I will make your name great." He didn't even say when that was going to happen. I think we have to just know that God is going to be silent sometimes. But silence does not mean absence or abandonment. I think we can learn from the story of Abraham that God is involved in our lives even when we don't know it. Sometimes I wonder if it was all about Abraham learning from the silence. How he lived, what he chose to do, in between the times when he talked with God. Was he going to follow God through the silence or not? Maybe its the same for us. Maybe I'm on to something, or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch
I suppose its my current circumstances, but the story of Abraham has been on my mind recently.
Abraham was an interesting guy. He was just living his life and then God shows up. God tells Abraham to leave everything he has ever know behind, go to some far off land, but also makes a promise of greatness to Abraham. I don't even know if Abraham knew who God was, but he agrees and goes. Typically Abraham is considered a hero of the faith and usually assumed to have this awesome relationship with God. But reading through the story, I wonder how strong his faith was. Abraham doesn't really trust God all the time. I wonder how many years go by between the times God talked to Abraham? I think that Abraham is not all that different from me. Sometimes God is silent, and you wonder if he is still there, or if he even cares. You don't see God working so you try to do it yourself, or just think about giving up.
I find Abraham's story kind of funny. He gets to the land God is promising and sets up camp. A drought comes along, God doesn't seem to be anywhere, so Abraham leaves for Egypt. He lies to Pharaoh, and should be killed, but he instead he is sent away free and with a lot of stuff. Where God seemed absent, he was actually just working behind the scenes. Even in Abraham's disobedience God was working to bless Abraham and come through on his promise. And that pattern happens time and time again in the story.
The thing is that God never promised Abraham he would hold his hand the whole way. He just said "Go, and I will make your name great." He didn't even say when that was going to happen. I think we have to just know that God is going to be silent sometimes. But silence does not mean absence or abandonment. I think we can learn from the story of Abraham that God is involved in our lives even when we don't know it. Sometimes I wonder if it was all about Abraham learning from the silence. How he lived, what he chose to do, in between the times when he talked with God. Was he going to follow God through the silence or not? Maybe its the same for us. Maybe I'm on to something, or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
You know what happens when you assume...
I recently (a very relative term) read two books entitled "The Sparrow" and "Children of God", both of which are excellent books. They are both filled with many great themes about God and man worth discussing, but I mention them because they made me realize some things about myself. Far too often than not I find myself assuming what other people think, or assuming why other people acted in a certain way. These assumptions are not always negative in nature, but if I am honest with myself, they slide towards the negative. More than the issue of negativity, how foolish is it of me to think that I can sum up the complete complexity of a human being? I tend to project thoughts and feelings and emotions onto others based on the lens of my own limited experience. This is not effective.
In the books, every time somebody assumed the thoughts and motives of another, something disastrous would happen. Now I find that this does not always happen in real life, but having this attitude or mindset never really helps maintain healthy friendships or any relationships for that matter. Constantly confining someone to who I think they are or should be, confines the potential for healthy growth and development in the relationship with that person. I think often times we do this as a quick fix in order to mask or hide pain, fear, and confusion. But making someone out to be who I want them to be, limits me from ever really getting to know them. And not spending time really learning about who someone is; what drives them, what they are passionate about, how they feel deep down (all the things we generally assume) not only limits the possibility of relationship development, but also limits my growth as a person. And that is scary.
What is scarier still is that I tend to be this way with Jesus. For some reason I walk around thinking I have Jesus all figured out. I like to think I know what Jesus would say or do, or the stance he would take on certain issues. By projecting my own thoughts and values on Jesus, I can justify behavior or feel more in control of the whole Christian life thing. But putting Jesus in a box never provides me the fulfillment I long for, nor does it allow my relationship with him to grow in healthy ways. If I am honest about my Christian life, the times that are the most impactful and meaningful, are the times in which Jesus reveals himself to being other or more than I previously thought or expected. If I can not expect to sum up the complete complexities of another person's inner being, how can I expect to do the same with a man that was also God? Honestly I hope I never have Jesus "completely figured out." The surprises are the best part. Maybe I'm on to something...or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch...
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
The Hunger
When I get hungry, It is hard for me to think about anything else.
Just ask my sister what it is like to go Christmas shopping with me on an empty stomach. The story is unpleasant. I basically turned into a giant two year old, which is a very scary picture. I was whining, complaining, sitting down in the middle of store aisles, pushing things over, saying mean things, and just being all around terrible. The situation was a lot like a SNICKERS commercial. But instead of turning into Betty White or another celebrity, I turned into a monster. Those commercials say "you're not you when you're hungry," and I definitely was not acting like myself. I'm not a big shopper, but I do enjoy getting gifts for people. However, that day in particular I was unable to take joy in gift getting like I usually do. I was hungry and could not focus on anything else.
I started with such strong conviction to find gifts for my family, but was sidelined by the intense longing for food; so much so, that I could not even function normally until that desire was fulfilled. My thoughts, my goals, and my actions were all directed by my craving. My hunger ruled me.
Of course the severity of my hunger could have been avoided. My hunger pains started small, but as I ignored my bodies prodding, they grew and grew until there was nothing else except the intense desire, until I was completely consumed.
I am reminded of the words of Jesus: "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."
I wonder how many times have I hungered after righteousness? I know how many times my hunger for food has driven me, but have I ever sought out righteousness with the same passion or vigor? Do I seek to align my actions with God so much so, that nothing else can or will sustain me?
I also think about what I feed myself with besides righteousness. How many times in life do I try to satisfy myself with things apart from righteousness? When I feel discontent maybe my first thought should be to look for how my actions can better align with what God is doing in the world, instead of looking for immediate gratification. I also think about how much preparation and presentation is put into meals that ultimately don't last. Do I put the same effort into pursuing righteousness?
I think it all comes down to what we want, what we hunger for, what we long for. I think we all want to live a meaningful life. I also think most of the time we don't satisfy that desire because we don't eat the right things. It seems to me that Jesus offers an invitation to a life with great purpose; an invitation to a life full of meaning and satisfaction. Maybe its time to dig in, or maybe this is just a musing of a modern-day sasquatch
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