In the year of our Lord...

I am late on this, but oh well...

2011 was a weird year.

There is no way that I could have predicted all the events 2011 brought. Primarily because I tried, and none of those things happened. A lot of life altering events happened to me and people close to me. Some great things took place. I graduated from college, got a job, and moved into a new city completely on my own. I finally crossed into the threshold of "adulthood," or my own definition of it anyway.  I ran a 5K for the first time in my life, actually 2 in the same month. I took road trips with friends. Got the chance to work with one of my role models over the summer. I met new people and started new relationships that impacted my life in big ways.

The year was also marked with darker times. Watched people struggle with unemployment. Saw pain, confusion, hard abrupt changes, and loneliness. Saw relationships end as people drifted apart. Had both of my grandmothers pass away. In the end it almost seemed like the year was more pain than good, more disappointment than joy. Gloom,  brokenness, and hurt were prominent threads.

Its was a year of experiences. It was a year full of questions. It was a weird year.

I feel that I should add a disclaimer here: My life is not horrible, and I am not depressed. There were several really good things and positive highlights in 2011. But I did notice a common theme to the events of my life and the lives of those close to me. There were more valleys than mountain peaks, hill tops, or even plateaus.

It was weird year because gloom, brokenness, and hurt are not the threads one would pick first if they were writing the story of their life.

It seems to me that as we go through life we get this idea in our heads of how things "should" play out. We have a picture in our minds of how we want the story to end. But most of the time, the story takes a vicious turn, one far away from the ideal we so desperately wanted or expected. It seems like the story just ends rather abruptly without wrapping up loose ends or bringing closure. And without warning the next story starts and we are caught in the middle of a new story before we were ready to leave the first one.

I think we are under the illusion that we are responsible for writing the end of the story. This is untrue. The truth is: the beginning and the end have already been written. God made all things in the beginning, and in the end will restore all things back to himself.  But we find ourselves in the middle, and sometimes the middle just isn't that great, but it does make all the difference. Because just like Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Harry Potter, or the stuff Donald Miller writes, its the hard times that make the story worth telling.

I learned a lot this past year. I learned about who I am, about who my friends and family are, and about who God is. I think my most valuable lesson I learned is this: The pressure to make everything turn out all right, to make sure the ending is "happily ever after" is completely off our shoulders. Even though it doesn't seem like it amid all the pain, failure, and heartache, we have already been made right. All we have to do is trust that God is already helping us live into the ending of the story. That is the good news.

Slump

So every now and again I seem to fall into a spiritual slump. Its nothing I set out to do, it just sort of happens. I'm sure other people experience the same thing. Its sorta like walking around in a fog, hoping for the sun to come out so you can feel a little warmth and see a little more clearly. Its not the greatest of feelings, and its not the worst, its just blah...

So recently I stumbled into one of these said "slumps." The biggest surprise was not the slump, but the timing. I had just gotten back from a conference in San Diego California, and everything was and had been going really well in my life. Things could not have been smoother sailing. No real reason for a slump. It just didn't make sense. My slump was logic-defying.

And then, while attending a Bible study, a passage of scripture jumped out at me. I wish I could say I had sought out the solution to my slump in the Bible; or I had gone to the Bible study to in fact study and learn about scripture earnestly. Neither of those would be true. But nonetheless the passage jumped out at me.

The passage is found in Acts 10 & 11, where Peter receives a vision, goes and talks to a Gentile named Cornelius, tells him about Jesus, and Gentiles are accepted as followers of Jesus. At the Bible study we discussed how important the passage was; how the gospel is for everyone, all peoples, all nations. We also discussed that you can be a good person like Cornelius, but if Jesus isn't the Lord of your life, you missed it. A beautiful story full of theological meaning. But none of that stuff stood out to me...What jumped off the page at me was Peter's role in the story.

 Peter has always been one of, if not my top favorite character in the Bible. He is your average Joe, who doesn't always get it, but gives it 100% anyway. I feel like I can relate to him. He likes to pray on roof tops, which I loved doing in Abilene when we still had a ladder. If you are unfamiliar with the story Peter receives a vision from God where a giant sheet comes down loaded with "unclean" food. God says eat, and when Peter says no, God says "everything I made is clean." This was referring to Gentiles being included, and how the gospel is for everyone. But that's not what jumped off the page at me. Here is what stuck out to me:

The whole sheet scenario Where God says "eat", Peter says "no", and God says "Everything I made is clean" happens three times. Three times.



but that's not all

At the beginning of the story, we find out that Peter was hungry. Peter was hungry, and God gave him a vision about food.

These two things screamed at me off the page. I think this passage tells us a little something about God. Peter was hungry. God used his hunger to teach him something important, to grow his faith. And even when Peter didn't get it, God didn't give up. He just repeated himself until Peter got it.

It tells me that God shows up in our lives right where we are, not expecting us to make it to his level.

I think that is how God works in the slumps of life. He meets us where we are, slump and all, and calls us to move forward, to grow despite the slump. Like Peter, we may not get it at first because it involves letting go of how we have always believed. Don't worry, God will keep on repeating it until we get it. My question is, whether you are in a slump or not: What in your life is God using to speak to you? What is God using to call you into further growth? If you are like me or Peter, you have probably heard it a few times already.

Go West Young Man

So I just moved.

Well maybe not "just moved." Its been a little over a month since I moved to San Antonio. Nothing too exciting, I've moved plenty of times in my life, and people do it everyday. But this one was big for me. This is the first time in my life that I am living by myself. Its one of the milestones to becoming an adult I guess. Graduate from high school: check. Graduate from college: check. Get a job: check. Move out on your own: check. All that's left is get married and start a family:_______. Well I still have time for that one, but I digress...

This whole moving thing is not all that out of the ordinary, in fact it is pretty much expected. I expected it out of myself. Its just what you do. You go out and make a name for yourself. Historically you head west and tame a little piece of the wild frontier. Western Expansion, Manifest Destiny, and all that jazz. But, there is not much wild frontier around anymore, so you just go wherever you want, or maybe more like wherever the jobs are. But even though it is expected and people have been going out on their own for hundreds if not thousands of years, it can still be a little scary. And sometimes you wonder if you are where you're "supposed to be."

I suppose its my current circumstances, but the story of Abraham has been on my mind recently.

Abraham was an interesting guy. He was just living his life and then God shows up. God tells Abraham to leave everything he has ever know behind, go to some far off land, but also makes a promise of greatness to Abraham. I don't even know if Abraham knew who God was, but he agrees and goes. Typically Abraham is considered a hero of the faith and usually assumed to have this awesome relationship with God. But reading through the story, I wonder how strong his faith was. Abraham doesn't really trust God all the time. I wonder how many years go by between the times God talked to Abraham? I think that Abraham is not all that different from me. Sometimes God is silent, and you wonder if he is still there, or if he even cares. You don't see God working so you try to do it yourself, or just think about giving up.

I find Abraham's story kind of funny. He gets to the land God is promising and sets up camp. A drought comes along, God doesn't seem to be anywhere, so Abraham leaves for Egypt. He lies to Pharaoh, and should be killed, but he instead he is sent away free and with a lot of stuff. Where God seemed absent, he was actually just working behind the scenes. Even in Abraham's disobedience God was working to bless Abraham and come through on his promise. And that pattern happens time and time again in the story.

The thing is that God never promised Abraham he would hold his hand the whole way. He just said "Go, and I will make your name great." He didn't even say when that was going to happen. I think we have to just know that God is going to be silent sometimes. But silence does not mean absence or abandonment. I think we can learn from the story of Abraham that God is involved in our lives even when we don't know it. Sometimes I wonder if it was all about Abraham learning from the silence. How he lived, what he chose to do, in between the times when he talked with God. Was he going to follow God through the silence or not? Maybe its the same for us. Maybe I'm on to something, or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch 

You know what happens when you assume...

I recently (a very relative term) read two books entitled "The Sparrow" and "Children of God", both of which are excellent books. They are both filled with many great themes about God and man worth discussing, but I mention them because they made me realize some things about myself. Far too often than not I find myself assuming what other people think, or assuming why other people acted in a certain way. These assumptions are not always negative in nature, but if I am honest with myself, they slide towards the negative. More than the issue of negativity, how foolish is it of me to think that I can sum up the complete complexity of a human being? I tend to project thoughts and feelings and emotions onto others based on the lens of my own limited experience. This is not effective.

In the books, every time somebody assumed the thoughts and motives of another, something disastrous would happen. Now I find that this does not always happen in real life, but having this attitude or mindset never really helps maintain healthy friendships or any relationships for that matter. Constantly confining someone to who I think they are or should be, confines the potential for healthy growth and development in the relationship with that person. I think often times we do this as a quick fix in order to mask or hide pain, fear, and confusion. But making someone out to be who I want them to be, limits me from ever really getting to know them. And not spending time really learning about who someone is; what drives them, what they are passionate about, how they feel deep down (all the things we generally assume) not only limits the possibility of relationship development, but also limits my growth as a person. And that is scary.

What is scarier still is that I tend to be this way with Jesus. For some reason I walk around thinking I have Jesus all figured out. I like to think I know what Jesus would say or do, or the stance he would take on certain issues. By projecting my own thoughts and values on Jesus, I can justify behavior or feel more in control of the whole Christian life thing. But putting Jesus in a box never provides me the fulfillment I long for, nor does it allow my relationship with him to grow in healthy ways. If I am honest about my Christian life, the times that are the most impactful and meaningful, are the times in which Jesus reveals himself to being other or more than I previously thought or expected. If I can not expect to sum up the complete complexities of another person's inner being, how can I expect to do the same with a man that was also God? Honestly I hope I never have Jesus "completely figured out." The surprises are the best part. Maybe I'm on to something...or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch...

The Hunger

When I get hungry, It is hard for me to think about anything else.

Just ask my sister what it is like to go Christmas shopping with me on an empty stomach. The story is unpleasant. I basically turned into a giant two year old, which is a very scary picture. I was whining, complaining, sitting down in the middle of store aisles, pushing things over, saying mean things, and just being all around terrible. The situation was a lot like a SNICKERS commercial. But instead of turning into Betty White or another celebrity, I turned into a monster. Those commercials say "you're not you when you're hungry," and I definitely was not acting like myself. I'm not a big shopper, but I do enjoy getting gifts for people. However, that day in particular I was unable to take joy in gift getting like I usually do. I was hungry and could not focus on anything else.

I started with such strong conviction to find gifts for my family, but was sidelined by the intense longing for food; so much so, that I could not even function normally until that desire was fulfilled. My thoughts, my goals, and my actions were all directed by my craving. My hunger ruled me.

Of course the severity of my hunger could have been avoided. My hunger pains started small, but as I ignored my bodies prodding, they grew and grew until there was nothing else except the intense desire, until I was completely consumed.

I am reminded of the words of Jesus: "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."

I wonder how many times have I hungered after righteousness? I know how many times my hunger for food has driven me, but have I ever sought out righteousness with the same passion or vigor? Do I seek to align my actions with God so much so, that nothing else can or will sustain me?

I also think about what I feed myself with besides righteousness. How many times in life do I try to satisfy myself with things apart from righteousness? When I feel discontent maybe my first thought should be to look for how my actions can better align with what God is doing in the world, instead of looking for immediate gratification. I also think about how much preparation and presentation is put into meals that ultimately don't last. Do I put the same effort into pursuing righteousness?

I think it all comes down to what we want, what we hunger for, what we long for. I think we all want to live a meaningful life. I also think most of the time we don't satisfy that desire because we don't eat the right things. It seems to me that Jesus offers an invitation to a life with great purpose; an invitation to a life full of meaning and satisfaction. Maybe its time to dig in, or maybe this is just a musing of a modern-day sasquatch

Skadoosh!

Recently I went and saw the new Kung Fu Panda movie with a bunch of Jr. High students, the only group of people I fit in with. If you have not seen it yet, don't worry this blog does not contain any spoilers. I'm not that kind of guy, plus the plot of the movie is not that important to the content of this blog.

Being an avid Kung Fu Panda fan, I noticed a common theme present in both movies. In both movies the characters struggle with skewed perspective on time. In the first film several characters were obsessed with what happened in the past. Shifu (the tiny mouse) always thought about a mistake he made with his first student several years prior. He thought about that mistake so much, that he was unable to be the kind of sensei he needed to be for his current students. Tai Lung (the villain of the movie) was also caught up in the past. He could not think about anything else except how he was wronged in the past and how his life was horrible because of it. He was blinded by his mistreatment in the past so much, that he could not effectively evaluate or effectively function in his current circumstances. In the second film Po (the main character) is the one who is thinking about the past. His concentration on trying to figure out his past keeps him from concentrating on the present and fulfilling his Dragon Warrior destiny. The villain in the second film did not focus on the past, he focused on the future. He was completely wrapped up in what he wanted for his future as well as what other people said he was supposed to be and do. He was so focused on creating his ideal future, that he was blinded to what his actions were doing to others and himself. The characters that succeed in the movies are the ones who are not distracted by the past or the future, but the ones who are fully aware and active in the present moment. In the first film the wise old turtle says, "You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present." The message in the movies is clear: do not worry about things beyond your control, focus on the opportunities in your life now, focus on today.

But we don't need a sensai to tell us this. We have heard this message from a teacher already. This message echoes the one found in scripture.

In Matthew 6 Jesus is addressing a large crowd of people about living in the kingdom of God. He says "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Jesus is revealing a secret to living in God's Kingdom. Jesus is reminding us of God's sovereignty, how God is in control of everything, even the future. But God is not only in control, he is also constantly providing. In God's Kingdom we do not have to worry about what is going to happen tomorrow, because God has it under control and he has already given us today. Jesus is calling us to look around and seek out what God has for us right now, instead of focusing on what we could have had or what could be. I believe this is about what we need as people.

I tend to have a problem with this. I don't disagree, I just have trouble doing it. I tend to focus on the future. I'm always thinking about what could be, or what I would like to happen. I like to picture the possibilities of what could be. Not saying this is a bad thing, but it does create a problem. I spend so much time thinking about what life could be like or what I want to try and do, that sometimes I miss the opportunities in my life right now. I usually get annoyed with people that seem to live in the past. I get annoyed when people talk about the "glory days". I think to myself, "what about your life right now? Is your life over? Is there nothing for you to live for now?" But when I think about it, am I any different? When I spend so much time thinking about what my future looks like, my present suffers. If I am not thinking about now--the relationships I'm in now, the work I'm doing now, or whatever I'm involved in--then all those things suffer due to neglect.

When we always look back on the life that has already happened, or always focus on what could happen, we are not living in reality. Living in the Kingdom means just that: living. Living is hard to do in a fantasy world. Focusing on the past creates regret, and focusing on the future creates worry, two things not included in Jesus' description of the Kingdom of God. These things are barriers to experiencing all that God has for us, and barriers to fulfilling our purpose in life. God is calling us to seek him out and trust him to provide a life worth living now. Maybe I'm on to something, or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch

Night-Night

I thought after I graduated college I would be a grown-up. Seeing as I am living with my mom right now and watching cartoons while I write this, I guess I have not quite reached the grown-up stage. Living at home has reminded me of when I was a child, and I share some of those stories now

When I was little I had a security blanket. It was not a quilt made by my grandmother, or anyone else dear to me. It didn't have a cartoon character on it. In fact it was not a blanket at all. My security blanket was a diaper rag. I didn't even call it blankey, or anything that resembles blanket. My security blanket (rag) went by the affectionate name of Night-Night and we went everywhere together. Watching TV, sitting in the cart at the grocery store, sleeping in the crib, going to day-care, you know all the normal places a two year old might go. One evening my mother and father went out to dinner and I went with them, so obviously Night-Night came with. I'm sure it was a lovely evening. I don't really remember it, I was two. Anyway, after dinner we all loaded up in the car and started for home. It wasn't long before I noticed something was wrong: my Night-Night was missing! In the next few moments my very short life flashed before my eyes and my entire world seemed to shatter around me as everything I knew to be true and right was slipping away. My incessant crying, and my mother, forced my father to turn the car around and retrieve that diaper rag. The restaurant staff may have thought it was a dish rag and used it to clean off the table, but I was never happier than when I held that filthy tattered cloth in my arms again.

A few years later my security blanket changed. Actually it was many years later, and I was 11 or 12. My new security blanket was once again not a blanket, it was a monkey. I wish I could tell you that it was a real live pet monkey, but it wasn't. It was a small stuffed animal that usually resided in my pocket for most of the fifth grade. Like the Night-Night, Monkey went everywhere with me. I do mean everywhere. Church, school, to a friend's house, everywhere. There is a picture of the Mawhirter children in the blue bonnets and monkey is right there with me. Embarrassing I know. It gets better. One horrible day the family was at my aunt's house and I had to use the restroom; of course monkey was along for the ride. I set monkey down on the top of the toilet while I did my business, because obviously that is the best place to put a stuffed animal you take to the bathroom with you. When I flushed the toilet I reached for my dear pall Monkey and knocked him into the toilet. With a faint gurgle, monkey was sucked down the pipes, and I never saw him again.

Some parts of those story may be a little over the top and slightly exaggerated, but hold truth none-the-less. I think everyone has a security blanket. It may not be an old smelly rag, or a small monkey, but we have them all the same. My Night-Night, and my monkey, made me feel safe, made me feel comfortable. No matter where I was, or what was going on, I felt secure. As a child so many things lie beyond our control, and we desperately need to know that we are safe. I think we all long for that feeling of safety and security, to know that no matter what things will be ok. But the problem is we settle for just the feeling of security instead of the real thing. How often do we surround ourselves with things that make us feel important or powerful; things that as long as we have them we will be secure? Have you ever thought: As long as I have money things will be ok; As long as I have my friends around, I'll be fine; As long as we stay together, things will be ok; As long as I have my family, I'm ok; As long as I have this job I'm golden; If this, as long as that, yada yada yada. Like my Night-Night and Monkey, we cling to so many things, and those things never really last all that long. We lose the job, people move, relationships break up, our money is stolen or lost. Our security ends up getting left in a restaurant or sucked down the toilet and we never see it again.

So why do we have this desire, this longing for security? It seems wrong to have such a desire that always ends unfulfilled. The desire starts out good, but is twisted when we try to become the source of our own security. Thats when it fails. This desire is within us to lead us to something greater, lead us to true security.

Where to find true security is revealed to us in scripture. Psalm 91 says: Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

Then the writer goes on to explain what happens after putting our security in God: no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

According to these verses security is found, once we surrender it, when we give it up to something greater than ourselves. True security is found when we call on God, not on our own resources. What if we lived like this was true? Our desire to find security is not wrong, embrace it and let it lead you to the one who lifts you up in the hands of angels.

The Cage

I'm no scientist, but I think everyone has a dream at some point in which they are trapped. I remember one dream in which I was trying to escape from a prison camp. I think people in general would prefer not to be in a prison camp or some other equivalent, but I know that I personally hate the idea of being trapped. I can't stand knowing you are meant for/capable of something more, but for whatever reason are unable to fulfill that purpose. One of the feelings I hate the most: felling like you are in a cage.

Not too long ago, I found myself stuck at home with not much to do (a.ka. feeling trapped). Wanting to avoid cabin fever, my sister and I went to the zoo. I have never been all too fond of zoos, but going provided the opportunity for two things: 1) people watching, one of my favorite pastimes and 2) some relief from sheer and utter boredom. Both of these opportunities were realized as my sister and I made fun of several people at the zoo via twitter. One such person was a rather loud woman, who should have thought more about her words before she let them out. This particular woman wondered aloud if the animal we were looking at was extinct. Then later she asked if the sleeping animals in a certain exhibit were dead. Not the most intelligent comments. After that there were several old people and small children who provided plenty of laughs.

I don't like zoos because typically they are boring. The animals don't really do anything. They just sit in their cages and stare at you, or sleep. In fact I would take staring over sleeping any day. At least then I could have a contest with an animal. I don't like zoos because I feel like I get jipped. I pay money to see vicious creatures who are not vicious in any way. In fact I could probably just go stand outside and see something more entertaining. I am in no way an animal rights activist, so I don't really care that the animals are trapped in cages. I just wish the animals acted a little more like...animals.

I understand liability plays a factor. Wild animals tend to be just that, wild, unpredictable, crazy, dangerous. I understand that the zookeepers are just trying to protect people from what is in the cage, or maybe to protect what is in the cage from the people. Both are examples of protection, not really trusting what is outside the cage. Keeping things inside the cage, separate from everything else is just safer, easier to control, more predictable.

Recently I have been thinking about cages in a new way. Instead of feeling trapped inside a cage, I wonder what I put in a cage and what that even means.

You see here is the problem: As a follower of Jesus I am called to lay down my life, every part of it, in order to actually follow Christ. If I claim Jesus as Lord, then that means I place him as sovereign over my life; every part of my life. That is not the problem. The problem is actually doing this. You see there are some areas of life in which it is easy to give up control, and some where it is not as easy. There are some areas we tend to keep in the cage (metaphorically of course). It could be anything. Sometimes its money or the stuff we own. I know for me it tends to be my relationships with other people. It really could be anything. Whatever it may be, so often there is a part of our lives that we would rather God just stay out of. This area is just so important to us, that it can be hard to trust someone else, even if it is the creator of the universe, to have final say in how it goes. So we put it in a cage. Not for liability's sake, but to protect what we have in there from getting changed or even messed up from the way we like it to be. And so it is kept from harm...or so we think.

The more I think about cages in this way, the more relevant the loud woman's comments are. In the zoo the animals are limited in what they can do, limited from being what they were made to do. So most of the time they lay around and they do in fact appear to be dead. Its the same with our lives. By keeping some areas in cages we place limits on truly experiencing it the way it was intended. By locking things away in a cage, we distort our perception of our lives and slowly kill what is inside the bars. If we take an honest look at what is in the cage, does it look alive, or dead?

We have to be brave and unlock the cage. Its a scary thing to do because once its out we don't have the same control anymore. Outside the cage things can run away or turn on you, but they are also fully alive. We have to unlock the cage for two reasons. The first is we can not keep God from parts of our lives. We need to invite the creator in to bring newness and fullness to every area of our life. And the second reason to unlock the cage, is for the sake of saving what is inside. If we know what it feels like to be trapped, how can we subject something we care about to the torture of that feeling and experience? Maybe I'm on to something, or maybe its just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch

Can you make change?

Try to place yourself in the following scenarios: You need to break a large bill into smaller ones, so you keep asking people if they "can make change." Or another time when paying for something, a cashier hands you a few small coins and you say "keep the change." Or perhaps on another occasion you see a penny or two lying on the side walk, but neglect to pick up the change off the ground because after all, "its only a penny." But have you ever been in the process of paying for something only to find out you could not pay the exact amount because you were a few cents short? It seems there is some change we want, and others we don't.

I find the concept of change very interesting. Change, or a desire for it, seems to be a driving force behind American culture. We never seem to be quite satisfied with what we have, we must have something different. It seems that the vast majority of prayers center on the idea of God changing the current circumstance or situation; that God would bring about something new. This in and of itself is not interesting, in fact you may have already observed that yourself, or even prayed that God would change something multiple times today (I know I did). What I find interesting is how so many people do not handle changes in their life very well. Change, the very thing that most people want or even desire, causes so many to freak out when it actually happens. I think this freak out happens for the most part because deep down the change we want would affect outside factors such as other people or situations or environments; but the change we are usually faced with affects us, or would cause us to change. I think this is where the problem lies. We would love for other people to change, but its a little harder when we are the ones who need to change. But the Jesus I follow calls for the latter.

In the Gospel of Matthew the disciples are out on the lake at night and the wind starts picking up. Before you know it a storm ensues and the waves start whipping the boat all over the place. Now it doesn't say this in the text, but I know that if I was in a boat, at night, during a storm, and far from land, I would be afraid and praying for something to change. And wouldn't you know it, Jesus shows up, walking out to them on the water. They cry out to him, but he does not calm the storm at this point. He does something strange (as if walking on water is not strange enough), he calls Peter to walk out into the storm. So peter steps out of the boat, starts walking towards Jesus, notices that the storm hadn't changed, and freaks out in a sinking panic. Luckily Jesus was still there to save Peter. So we see the disciples pray for change that night, and God shows up to enact change. But he does not change the situation, he calls Peter to change.

Peter freaked out, like many of us, because it appeared that nothing changed. His situation/circumstances had not changed: there was still a life threatening storm. What he failed to realize was that he was walking on the stormy waters, or in a sense he was in more control of the situation than he was before. He was walking (with the help of Jesus of course) on and over what he wanted to change. He didn't get the change he wanted, his situation was virtually the same, but the change he got, him making a change, was more powerful. We may not get the change we want, but when we change it is more powerful. It will never seem like the better option as long as we are still looking at the situation we wanted changed, but it will if we focus on the change Jesus is calling us to make.

Only problem is: that's hard to do.

Most of the time we want big changes, and we are disappointed when we don't change in those big ways. But I don't think it is always supposed to be a huge change. I think we have to start small. I think it starts by picking up the change on the sidewalk, so that when the time comes, we will have exactly what we need. I think we need to stay alert to how Jesus is calling us to change personally, because when we do, he can work through us to bring about change to the situation. Maybe I'm on to something, or maybe this is just another musing of a modern-day sasquatch...